19/09/2020
Woooo š
āŗļøš„°š¢Iām always working on this. Every time it comes up I always have to stop! take deep deep breathes and then ask for help.
Itās one of the hardest things. But layer by layer itās unfolding and Iām learning.
Some of it is conditioning, some of it is me but Iām taking ownership of it.
I donāt always have to do it alone, itās alright to set boundaries, itās good to ask for help when I need it, itās not a weakness, itās ok to show my vulnerability because through this I grow.
I thank papatuanuku and all our elemental beings for showing me this.
Sis, the inability to receive support from others is a trauma response.
Your āI donāt need anyone, Iāll just do it all myselfā conditioning is a survival tactic. You needed it to shield your tender heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you.
From the parent who was absent by choice or by the circumstance of working three jobs to feed and house you.
From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but no offered no safe haven that honored your heart.
From the friendships that always took more than they gave.
From all the situations when someone told you āweāre in this togetherā then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when isht got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.
From the lies. The betrayals.
You learned along the way that you just couldnāt really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point.
Ultra-independence is a *trust issue.*
You learned: if I donāt put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I wonāt have to be disappointed when they donāt show up for me, or when they drop the ball... because they will always drop the ball sooner or later, right?
You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt women who came before you.
Ultra-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak.
So, you donāt trust anyone.
And you donāt trust yourself, either, to choose people.
To trust is to hope, to trust is vulnerability.
āNever again,ā you vowed.
But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth itās your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall.
Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either.
Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming.
Itās trauma response.
The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed.
You are worthy of having support.
You are worthy of having true partnership.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of having your heart held.
You are worthy to be adored.
You are worthy to be cherished.
You are worthy to have someone say, āYou rest. I got this.ā And actually deliver on that promise.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy.
Worthy, sis.
You are worthy.
You donāt have to earn it.
You donāt have to prove it.
You donāt have to bargain for it.
You donāt have to beg for it.
You are worthy.
Worthy.
Simply because you exist.
I love you. š§”~J.
Credit: Written by Jamila White - Psychic, Life Coach, Author (FB: http://fb.me/inspiredjamila, IG: .jamila) Original image by Rising Woman, reposted from The Womb Sauna.
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