09/24/2025
Grief and Identity
Redefining who you are After Loss
Family, societal roles, culture, friends, and interests are key aspects that define who we are. When Jim died, Joanna struggled to make sense of her new identity without him. Their relationship had spanned more than 40 years and the very fabric of her sense of self was challenged by her new reality. They had shared so much of life together and without him by her side, she began exhibiting anxiety, fear, and reported feeling lost and alone.
Joanna also was facing secondary losses, which included changes to personal finances, friends, family, and home life. These demands were overwhelming and left her feeling depressed. All of these emotions that were surfacing in Joanna’s case are completely normal in the grieving journey. While hard to palette, Joanna had to not only accept her loss, but to also learn how to live independently.
To begin the healing process, we started by normalizing Joanna’s grief reaction through education. She also joined a spousal loss support group and by spending time with others who were also grieving she began to understand that she was not alone.
Our next step was to help Joanna reinvest in life again, by encouraging her to try new things and revisit old hobbies. She had always loved to dance. She enrolled in a dance fitness class, where she met other women who likewise shared this passion.
Joanna also began to actively mourn Jim’s death by meeting with their old friends and establishing a program in Jim’s name to make sure his memory lived on. The group met, shared stories, tears, and laughter about their life with Jim.
Lastly, a dream of Joanna’s had been to open up her home to foster rescue dogs when she retired. In realizing this vision she took on new responsibilities, added companionship to her life and acquired a renewed sense of community.
While Joanna still misses Jim, she reported that she has begun to enjoy her life again. Taking the time to rebuild a new life without Jim had been challenging, but it had none the less empowered and transformed for her.
Margaret Lorrie Beaton, MA, C. Hyp
Bereavement Counsellor
© Daley Family Funeral Home/CFHC Online