Integration Counselling and Psychotherapy

04/30/2025

In adolescence, I’d come to an impasse. Same old scene. Same routine. Stagnant.

Fortunately, I was encouraged by parents to pack my bag, pick up a paddle, and take part in a month-long canoe-camping expedition in the Outauouais. Having done a little camping growing up, I was open to the idea. Looking back I can appreciate how much growing up happened for me on that trip.

https://integrationcounselling.substack.com/p/at-an-impasse

04/11/2025

When things go awry, it’s so easy to ask why? As though there were an explanation. Perhaps we can explain how a thing occurred, but have we any insight into the why? That’s bordering on prophecy, as though we could peak behind the curtain and catch a glimpse of the inner workings of destiny. Sure, we may say that everything happens for a reason, but I think, most of the time, we only articulate a reason in retrospect. When an unforeseen and unwanted event occurs, asking why suggests an unspoken assumption that bad things shouldn't happen, that this shouldn’t be.

from my latest: https://integrationcounselling.substack.com/p/why-is-this-happening-to-me

03/13/2025

The phrase window of tolerance means the space between hyperarousal (fight or flight) and hypoarousal (freeze) in which we can manage stress and adversity in a healthy and mature manner. Within that window of tolerance, we can experience discomfort without becoming dysregulated, or to put it more eloquently, without losing our s**t when s**t happens.

Read on: https://integrationcounselling.substack.com/p/opening-the-window-of-tolerance

02/28/2025

Eva Kor is a survivor of Auschwitz, who alongside her twin sister Miriam, was subjected to horrible medical experiments. The pair were the only members of their family to have survived the ordeal. Many years later, as Eva sought to heal, her journey brought her face to face with a man who’d been a N**i doctor at Auschwitz. Moved by his remorse, she was inspired to forgive him, and found in forgiveness both power and freedom.

https://integrationcounselling.substack.com/p/could-you-forgive-a-nazi

02/22/2025

Talk therapy, journaling, contemplative practices, and certain rituals can each potentially serve to assist us in developing sufficient self-awareness to experience life, in all its delight and misery, without shirking from the responsibility of living.

Read the piece at: https://integrationcounselling.substack.com/p/what-to-do-about-tigers

02/07/2025

Part of setting boundaries is learning to say no. Part of doing that is learning to allow yourself to feel your anger, your sadness, your fear, your pain.

Maligned anger can turn malignant in the way that regret can devolve into resentment.

From: https://integrationcounselling.substack.com/p/of-borders-and-boundaries

02/01/2025

Clients often remark that speaking affirmations in the mirror feels phoney. Some have described it as just lying to yourself. Others have said something to the effect of “rationally, I know I’m good enough, but emotionally, I don't feel like it”.

What would it feel like to really experience yourself as good enough, as loveable, and worthy?

Maybe you can feel it now. Many people don't know how, except in the conditional - better grades, less weight, taking up less space, having less needs, making oneself needed, etc.

That conditional sense of self-worth is like a small boat tossed about in a sea of shame. You do what it takes to stay afloat, but the little boat remains precariously waiting for the next wave. What lies in the depths below remains unknown.

https://integrationcounselling.substack.com/p/more-than-affirmations

12/12/2024

When we go...

What will remain is the trace we’ve left on the people and places we’ve known. For some, it will linger like the fragrance of your beloved’s favourite perfume. For others, it will reek of such a stench that they’ll want to wash out every last trace of you.

The one who plants trees, knowing that he will never sit in their shade, has at least started to understand the meaning of life.

11/25/2024

Self-delusion is a powerful sedative. We explain away our dissatisfaction by comparing ourselves to others, onto whom we project a strange blend of envy and cynicism, and against which we measure ourselves.

11/09/2024

https://integrationcounselling.substack.com/p/dont-believe-everything-you-think

They're just thoughts.

10/24/2024

The work is learning to increase our capacity to tolerate unpleasant emotions. To allow ourselves to feel and thereby learn that even in the thick of it, we remain. It is reconnecting with those parts of us we may have learned to silence long ago. Reconnecting with those hurt parts is also accessing their innocence and vulnerability. This can be scary. It takes time.

Life is beautiful and bountiful. Life can also be cruel and unpredictable. Calamities befall the innocent and vulnerable. Hearts break, and like an earthquake, turn our world upside down, leaving ruin and rubble in their wake.

10/03/2024

The job of a psychotherapist is to notice patterns. These come up in stories, in statements, body language, and even in the therapeutic relationship. As we notice them, we bring them into explicit awareness. We help our client explore their relationship to the patterns, as well as reevaluate the place they’d like these patterns to occupy in their lives. We help them change.

Give yourself permission to change.