01/09/2026
Leave a ❤️❤️ if these kinds of questions trigger you.
If you’re feeling ‘crispy,’ as I like to say (meaning a little on edge), you may be taking on all of the “planning” elements within you and your partner’s shared mental load.
Remember, there are three elements to a task (as laid out by researcher ):
1️⃣ Conception (we should go on a date night)
2️⃣ Planning (making reservations, getting a sitter, writing out directions for sitter)
3️⃣ Ex*****on (going on the date)
When our partner enters the arena on the level of conception, we often think, “Well at least they thought about it!”
ALL THREE elements of the task need to be accounted for. While I always support approaching these conversations with empathy or even gratitude for improvement, what we don’t want is for resentment to build because you don’t hold the boundary of fully releasing the task.
🫶 Instead of saying, “Well at least they remembered to ask,” this is an opportunity to share your inner world with your partner.
How do you do this in a way that keeps the interaction positive? ⬇️
Ex: [VALIDATE] “I can tell you want to make sure we do something fun on date night that I enjoy. [SHARE NEED] It would mean a lot to me if you would plan these date nights because I’m overstimulated with decision-making with the kids all day. [HOLD BOUNDARY] I know I’ll love it because you’re putting thought into it, so just let me know how dressy I should be once it’s planned!”
Tell me in comments, what task do you want to fully release to your partner?
