11/24/2025
We repeat what we don’t repair.
Are you the one to go to you partner to repair? Or do they?
If you don’t want the resentment to get bigger, the blow ups to get worse, or the triggering behaviors to continue, then true repair is a necessity. So what, exactly, does repair look like?
Here are 3 simple steps to keep in mind when you are initiating repair:
1. TIMING
✨Have both of you had enough time to regulate your nervous systems in a way that allows rational thought? The heat of the moment often needs to cool off—which can take 30 seconds or 24 hours, depending on the people and circumstances.
2. VULNERABILITY
✨Lead with vulnerability. It’s hard for either party to empathize with the other—which promotes connection and understanding—if secondary emotions (anger, frustration, annoyance) stay at the forefront of the conversation. What deeper, primary feelings did the argument stem from or trigger (loneliness, fear, shame) in you? Share how this relates to your history as a child, in past relationships, or within your current relationship.
Note: Get curious about your partner’s underlying feelings, as well. Offer space for their vulnerability, as well.
3. RELEASE
✨Keep in mind when the conversation has come to a natural close. Repair doesn’t need to be long and drawn out every time. Extended or short, when the repair has been made, be willing to end the conversation with a hug or hand squeeze. Allow opportunity for lighter, happier connection to reignite that team spirit and spark.
Remember this. When you ask questions like, “Why do I have to be the one to initiate the repair?” or “I always have to be the grown up” - oftentimes our egos are up and running. When you put aside your ego, you are choosing US.
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relationship repair | emotional connection | couples therapy tips | healthy communication | conflict resolution strategies