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Formby Postnatal Counselling, Raven Meols Lane, Formby (2025)

21/05/2025

When control was your safety blanket and now it’s nowhere to be found as a mum… 🫠

Before kids you could control everything. Your schedule was yours. Your house stayed tidy. You knew exactly how your day would unfold.

That control wasn’t just nice - it’s likely that it was also an unconscious safety behaviour that kept the anxiety monsters at bay.

Then this tiny human arrived who did not get the memo about your need for predictability.

Suddenly you can’t control:

🌊 if/ when you sleep

🌊 if you’ll shower that day

🌊 whether you’ll make it anywhere on time

🌊 whether you’ll get through the Tesco shop without someone having a meltdown and everyone staring at you

That old safety net of control? It’s got massive holes in it now.

Your nervous system is like: ‘We do not like this! This unpredictability feels DANGEROUS!’

No wonder you’re feeling anxious: your brain’s warning system is just doing its job and alerting you to perceived danger (which might have been very real if things were unpredictable for you as a child).

The trick isn’t getting your control back (spoiler alert: not really possible with small children…)

The trick is building a sense of internal safety that you can tap into even when everything on the outside feels chaotic.

This is exactly the sort of thing I help my deeply-feeling clients with: unpicking the roots of that old safety behaviour and learning new tools to feel safe in the present.

If you’re ready to let go of ‘perfect’ and learn to feel safe in the messy reality of motherhood, get in touch about therapy.

You can book a free 20 min call here:

https://zcal.co/ruthrenouf

Or check out my website here:

https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com

08/05/2025

This week is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week and, sadly, this week is still so necessary as so many new parents are not being heard when they voice that they're struggling.

This year's theme is 'your voice, your strength' and I've written a blog post about how I feel about this theme as a postnatal therapist with lived experience of postnatal mental health struggles.

You can read it here:
https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com/2025/05/07/maternal-mental-health-awareness-week-2025/

16/04/2025

How do you feel about asking for help?

🌊Anxious?

🌊“I can’t do that”?

🌊It’s no big deal?

Here’s what this might tell you about your attachment style...

🌊Anxious:

In your family of origin, you might have learned that help was available but only when things were SERIOUS or when the other person was in a good mood.

This meant that you had to pick your timing. ⏱

Working out when the other person might have been receptive to helping you or whether your thing was serious/ worthy ‘enough’ to ask for help with probably had you feeling really anxious.

These patterns might still be online today.

🌊“I can’t ask for help”

When you were little, your parents might have had a lot going on and you got the message that you were ‘too much’ or an inconvenience when you asked for something or had needs.

To maintain your relationship with your caregivers, you might have gotten really good at just sorting yourself out.

That independence has probably stood you in good stead for big chunks of your life as our culture really values it.

However... how is that going for you now you’re a mum?
We didn’t evolve to parent alone and trying to do so might be leading to feelings of anxiety, overwhelm or rage.

🌊It’s no big deal

If you feel like you can ask for help when you need it without panicking about what the other person is going to think of you or assuming that there’s no point in asking because no help is coming, you are likely to be securely attached.

It’s likely that your caregivers had the capacity to be emotionally attuned to you and to meet your needs ‘enough’ for you to feel safe to reach out when you were upset or needed help.

This means that you probably don’t have a problem doing this as an adult either.

So, what if you’re not securely attached? 🧐

You can change your attachment style! 🌱

The good news about attachment is that it is totally possible to become more secure (even as an adult) as a result of having a positive relational experience with another safe and reliable adult.

This could be a partner, a friend or a therapist.

But why bother doing the work to become more securely attached?

The research suggests that attachment styles tend to be passed down through the generations - if you’re not securely attached, chances are that your parents weren’t either and back and back it goes.

Wouldn’t it feel great to be able to ask for help without the side order of anxiety? 🌱

How would it feel to start to re-write the attachment story in your family for generations to come?

Interested in finding out more?

Counselling is a great space to do attachment work.

Head to the link below to book a free 20 minute call about 1:1 counselling to see if it might be right for you:

https://zcal.co/ruthrenouf

Website: https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com/

19/03/2025

What if your postnatal anxiety is actually...

The tension of knowing what you want to do as a parent, but not feeling able to do it because you’re worried about the fallout from other people.

Healthy anger in disguise: people are doing something that is not ok for you but you don’t feel like you can tell them so you feel anxious.

Overwhelm: anxiety could be a protective part of you’s way of letting you know that it feels completely overburdened and can’t keep up with all the things.

All of this has to do with how much space you feel allowed to take up and the extent to which you feel safe to clearly communicate your boundaries and needs to others.

But imagine for a minute how it would feel to:

🌱 know where your limits are and how to communicate these

🌱 reclaim anger (not aggression) as a healthy emotion with some dead useful info for you

🌱 tune into how YOU want to parent and tune out the noise from other people around your decisions

Having worked with mums just like you, I can tell you that THIS is what anxiety work can look like.

Sound interesting? Head to the link below to book a free 20 min call to get started or head to my website for more details 💜

Book a call:
https://zcal.co/ruthrenouf

My website:
https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com/

03/03/2025

I went to visit Nicola at Pelvic Solutions on Friday as we both work with women in the postnatal period. It was great to connect! Here's a bit more about what both of us offer.

25/02/2025

Do you find yourself noticing every little thing your child needs before they even ask (when maybe your partner is oblivious)? 👀

Does your child’s rage or despair feel like a punch in the gut because you feel it as if it’s your own?

Are you constantly overwhelmed by the noise of Peppa Pig on repeat, the visual chaos of the carpet of toys on the living room floor, the being touched by sticky fingers AT ALL TIMES? 🫠

It might be that you’re a Highly Sensitive Person (note the capitals -it’s a thing)🪷

This was probably your super power at work as it gave you excellent attention to detail, helped you avoid your boss when you picked up on her funky mood from 20 paces and helped you to foresee problems before they were on anyone else’s radar.

However…

As a mum? Being Highly Sensitive and not knowing it can come with a side order of extra challenges.

Noticing every detail about your child and processing things deeply can lead to overwhelm.

Comparing yourself to other mums can make you feel horrendous as you’re just not sure why they seem to be coping so much better than you.

The good news? It doesn’t have to be this way!

🌱 what if it was possible to embrace your strengths as a deeply intuitive person while building in the support you need as a person more prone to overwhelm?

🌱 how would it feel to let go of perfect and know in your bones that ‘good enough’ is actually what your child needs?

Your sensitivity isn’t the problem. It’s your greatest parenting strength. You just need different tools than less sensitive parents to flourish 🪷

If this resonates, 1:1 counselling might be for you.

You can book a free 20 min initial call at the link below to get started:

https://zcal.co/ruthrenouf

18/02/2025

1) The supermum myth

Independence and capability are highly valued in our society so admitting you’re struggling might feel as appealing as telling your baby boomer male boss that you’re on your period.
It feels culturally taboo!

Will people think I’m weak?
Will people think I can’t cope?

2) Conditioning

In your house growing up, your parents might have had a lot on so you learned to be low-maintenance and not ask for ‘too much’ so that they didn’t shout at you or make you feel like you had annoyed them by asking.

This can bite you in the bum as an adult as those same patterns are likely to still be online in your unconscious unless you work to become aware of them and make different decisions now.

3) What sort of help will you get?

Are people willing to give you the help that you actually need rather than what THEY think will be helpful? Do they make a song and dance about helping so much that you feel guilty and wish you hadn’t bothered?

4) Isolation

There might just be nobody to ask! We move around a lot more than our ancestors did so we might live far away from friends or family or just not have the sorts of relationships with these people where we feel we can ask.

If you're wondering about your own patterns when it comes to asking for help, awareness is always step 1.

What comes up for you when you think about asking for help?

Is this pattern of behaviour serving me or would I like to make some changes?

You can unpick this stuff by yourself but my clients have found that it's SO much quicker and easier with support.

If you'd like to be able to ask for help without the side order of anxiety or guilt, get in touch.

You can book a free 20 minute initial call here or head to my website to find out more:

https://zcal.co/ruthrenouf

Website: https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com/

29/01/2025

Are you the eldest daughter/ only child in your family of origin?

Do you struggle with anxiety and overwhelm as a mum?

‘Eldest daughter syndrome’ isn’t a scientific term but it’s one that resonates with a lot of eldest daughters.

Here’s what it might look like...

Growing up, you might have been like a mini mum to your sibling(s).

You might have kept an eye on how the adults were feeling so that you could get your siblings out of the way or stop them fighting if your parents were in a bad mood.

You might have been the one who emotionally supported both your parents and your siblings during your childhood/ teenage years.

You might have been held to a higher standard than your sibling(s) because you were the eldest.

You might have felt a lot of pressure (from yourself or others) to do well and so developed very high standards for yourself from an early age.

You might not have felt able to share your needs or feelings with your parents because you didn’t want to ‘burden’ them so you learned to keep things inside and sort yourself out.

Is this sounding familiar?

If this is you, motherhood might feel particularly challenging because:

🌊 Your emotional needs were not top of the agenda so you weren’t helped to regulate your emotions as a child.

You might have had to deal with big, scary emotions like rage or fear by yourself so they still feel scary now
(in yourself or others).

🌊 Those very high standards that you have for yourself have likely extended to motherhood so you have a very clear idea of what you “should” be doing and beat yourself up when you can’t seem to live up to your own standards.

You might also be acutely aware of other people who seem to be getting it ‘right’ and feel awful about yourself in comparison.

🌊 That independence you developed as a child (and the low-maintenance persona you might have been praised for) might now be biting you in the bum.

Suddenly you’re in a position where you really need support (it takes a village!) but it feels completely alien to ask for help and admit that you might not be able to do it all alone.

If this is you, it would make a lot of sense if you were feeling anxious and overwhelmed as a mum!

You’re not broken. The patterns that you developed as a child to keep you safe and fit in with the family just aren’t serving you anymore.

Awareness of this stuff is always step one 🫶

If you’d like some help with unpicking this stuff from someone who gets it, get in touch.

1:1 counselling is the perfect place to unravel what you want to let go of and what you want to keep from your childhood ways of being.

Head to the link below to book a free 20 minute call or DM me THERAPY to get started.

https://zcal.co/ruthrenouf

You can also find out more about working with me on my website:

https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com/

18/01/2025

Here are some of the types of thoughts that I regularly hear about from postnatal clients who are struggling with anxiety:

Self-criticism - this might sound like:

🌊I’m a bad mum
🌊Something is wrong with me
🌊I always get everything wrong
🌊You should be better at this
🌊Why am I so much worse at this than everyone else?

Doubting your ability - this might sound like:

🌊I can’t do this
🌊I’m not cut out for motherhood
🌊I have no idea what I’m doing
🌊I shouldn’t be finding this so hard
🌊Things are going wrong and it’s all my fault

Expecting something BAD to happen - this might sound like:

🌊What if I drop my baby down the stairs?
🌊What if I die and leave my child without a mum?
🌊What if my baby gets ill?

Questioning yourself - this might sound like:

🌊Am I doing this right?
🌊Am I doing enough?
🌊Should I be doing X or Y?
🌊Is this the BEST way to do this or should I be doing something different?

If you’re regularly having thoughts like this, it might be that you are struggling with postnatal anxiety.

I’m here to tell you that you’re not broken and you’re not alone; around 1 in 5 new mums will have postnatal anxiety and need some support.

If this is you, here’s what I’d do:

Talk to someone you trust about the thoughts you’re having and how you’re feeling. Bonus points if it’s another mum who will get it as research has shown that peer support can be SUPER helpful when we’re struggling after having a baby.

Think about reaching out for some specialist support.

Head to my website to find out more about how I could support you:
https://formbypostnatalcounselling.com/

Formby Postnatal Counselling

21/05/2025

08/05/2025

16/04/2025

19/03/2025

03/03/2025

25/02/2025

18/02/2025

29/01/2025

18/01/2025

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