01/09/2025
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I didn’t go looking for this book. Not really. I was just trying to understand why some of my emotional patterns felt so familiar and yet so untraceable. You know that feeling when something aches inside, but you can't name it? That was me. Then I stumbled on The Emotionally Absent Mother while browsing for something else entirely. The title stopped me. The subtitle held me. I pressed play. Emily Durante’s narration was gentle but steady—like a friend who's not afraid to tell you the truth but will hold your hand while doing it. Jasmin Lee Cori’s words didn’t just explain things—they echoed things I had lived, sometimes without even realizing it. Each chapter unraveled something quietly tucked away in me, and I couldn’t un-hear it. Below are eight of the most powerful lessons I took from the audiobook—each one a mirror, a wound, and oddly enough, a balm.
1. Absence Isn’t Always Physical: I used to think I didn’t have the right to feel abandoned. My mother was there—present in the room, meals cooked, clothes cleaned. But Cori made it heartbreakingly clear: emotional absence doesn’t need distance to leave a mark. Through her words, I saw how a mother can be physically near yet emotionally unreachable. This hit hard. It validated years of feeling unseen and taught me that I wasn't crazy—I was responding to something real. And for others who carry silent confusion, this truth can be freeing.
2. The “Good Mother” Messages Were Missing: Cori describes the “good mother” messages children need: You are wanted. You are special. You are safe. You matter. As I listened, I found myself rewinding—more than once. She wasn’t saying a mother had to be perfect, but that a child needed to feel consistently nurtured in those emotional foundations. I realized how many of those messages I never internalized. This recognition was painful, but it gave me a roadmap for healing. For anyone struggling with self-worth, this chapter shows you where to begin repairing the inner scaffolding.
3. You Learn to Abandon Yourself: This one was a gut-punch. If your emotional needs were met with indifference or irritation, you learn to turn away from them. Cori explains how this shows up as people-pleasing, emotional numbness, or disconnection from your own desires. I saw myself in every line. It made me realize that the neglect didn’t stop in childhood—I had carried it on myself. But naming this behavior was the first step to ending it. For others, this lesson teaches that self-neglect isn’t personality—it’s survival strategy. And it can be unlearned.
4. Shame Becomes Your Silent Language: Cori talks about how children of emotionally absent mothers often live with a core sense of shame—not because they are shameful, but because their emotional world was unwelcome. That shook me. I saw how I learned to hide my feelings, to make myself small, to assume I was too much or not enough. Hearing this put words to a silent script I didn’t even know I was following. This lesson is vital: it shows readers the roots of shame, and that it never belonged to us in the first place.
5. Emotional Neglect Distorts Intimacy: One chapter unpacked how emotionally neglected children often struggle with closeness—either craving it desperately or pushing it away. As I listened, I felt like Cori was describing my relationships without ever having met me. The fear of being vulnerable, the urge to over-function or disappear—it all made sense. This insight helped me stop blaming myself and start understanding. For others, especially those stuck in confusing patterns of love and withdrawal, this lesson is a compassionate map toward healthier connection.
6. Reparenting is Not a Cliché—It’s a Necessity: When Cori first introduced the concept of “reparenting,” I thought it sounded like therapy jargon. But the more I listened, the more I realized how essential it is. She gives practical, loving ways to begin giving ourselves what we never received—comfort, affirmation, structure, protection. I started practicing some of them immediately. This was more than theory; it was medicine. For anyone tired of waiting for others to fill that emotional gap, this lesson offers empowerment and possibility.
7. The Grief is Real, and It’s Yours to Honor: Cori gently walks us through the grief of what we didn’t get. It’s not about blaming or hating our mothers—it’s about telling the truth. I remember sitting quietly after one particular section, tears I didn’t expect streaming down. I had never given myself permission to grieve what should have been. That was the beginning of release. For anyone who feels guilty for feeling hurt, this chapter grants permission to mourn—and that’s a crucial part of healing.
8. You Are Not Alone—and You Are Not Broken: Perhaps the most healing thing Cori gives is her steady reassurance that this story isn’t unique. Many people carry this invisible wound. She repeats it, not to generalize pain, but to remind us we are not strange or defective. That was powerful. Knowing there is a name for what I’ve felt—and a path through it—restored something in me. For anyone afraid they’re “too damaged,” this final lesson is a doorway into community, compassion, and self-restoration.
Book/Audiobook:https://amzn.to/4fT5gRz
You can access the audiobook when you register on the Audible platform using the l!nk above.
