Sylwia Kuchenna

14/11/2025

In psychodynamic work, we often say that the unconscious speaks through action more than intention. The way a patient pays for therapy is not about financial etiquette — it is a live expression of their inner world unfolding in the therapeutic relationship.

Money carries emotional weight. It represents dependence, separation, care, autonomy, guilt, longing, anger, and attachment. When a patient reaches for cash, forgets to bring it, overpays, apologises, hesitates, or becomes irritated, they are not simply performing a transaction. They are expressing something about:

how they experience being held or not held

how safe they feel in needing someone

how they manage closeness and distance

what they learned about giving and receiving in childhood

how they negotiate boundaries and expectations

what they fear, long for, or defend against in intimacy

In this way, payment becomes a microcosm of the patient’s relational patterns. It is never about judgment. There is no “right” or “wrong” way of paying. Instead, each pattern becomes material — a moment rich with information about how the patient relates to others, to themselves, and to the therapeutic space.

When a therapist explores these subtle behaviours with the patient, something important can happen:
awareness deepens, repeated relational cycles become visible, and the possibility for new experience emerges.

Even the smallest rituals — handing over money, asking for change, forgetting the wallet, or hesitating at the door — can reveal profound emotional truths.

Nothing in therapy is just a coincidence.
Everything that happens in the room becomes part of the meaningful dialogue — even the moment of payment.

— your therapist, Sylwia

09/11/2025

The video shows a contrast between the question “How can you tell if someone has a personality disorder?” and the comment section full of aggression, contempt, and mockery.

From a therapeutic perspective, such behavior may reveal certain dysfunctional personality traits that, if persistent and intense, make life difficult and can appear in various personality disorders.

💬 Comments of this kind suggest a low level of empathy and problems with impulse control.
Psychologically, they can indicate:

defensive mechanisms (attack instead of reflection),

projection (attributing one’s own weaknesses to others),

or so-called social hostility, typical for narcissistic or antisocial personality structures.

😐 Comments like those shown in the video may reveal:

low empathy,

problems with emotional control,

projection and defensive mechanisms,

and a tendency to devalue others to maintain one’s own sense of worth.

However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that those who write such comments have a personality disorder. Although, it also shows how the internet encourages the expression of unprocessed emotions and dysfunctional traits.

Here are types of these comments:

“People like this are pathetic.”

“What nonsense — only idiots believe that.”

“You must have serious problems if you think like that.”

“What a joke, people will believe anything these days.”

“Another example of how soft society has become.”

“This is just laughable — get a grip.”

“Everyone else is so toxic and manipulative.”

“People today are all narcissists, not me.”

👩‍🎓From a psychotherapeutic perspective, such comments often:

✔️act as a defense mechanism against internal discomfort or shame,

✔️show low frustration tolerance and poor emotional regulation,

✔️reflect projection (blaming or criticizing others for traits one dislikes in oneself),

✔️and serve to restore a fragile sense of self-worth through putting others down.

They do not automatically indicate a personality disorder, but they do reveal unprocessed emotions, lack of empathy, and difficulty with reflective thinking — meaning, difficulty pausing to understand one’s own motives or the emotions of others.

Your therapist,
Sylwia

02/11/2025

✨ Feeling like something is missing, even when life looks “fine”? ✨

You may be highly capable, successful, and managing responsibilities with ease — yet inside, there’s a quiet ache, emotional overwhelm, or a sense of disconnection that you can’t quite shake.

I’m a psychotherapist, traumatologist, author, and lecturer with over 8 years of experience, and I work with people who want to not just survive, but truly understand themselves, heal, and reconnect with life.

Through psychodynamic therapy, we explore not only your emotions but the root causes and meaning behind your experiences. Together, we uncover the hidden stories and unconscious patterns that shape how you feel, think, and relate.

💭 You may recognize some of this in yourself:

Feeling a persistent inner emptiness or quiet grief

Waves of emotion that feel overwhelming — or numbness and detachment

Struggling with relationships or emotional closeness

Carrying past wounds from childhood or developmental trauma

Therapy is a safe space to process, understand, and transform these experiences. It’s about discovering the deeper truth of who you are, rebuilding resilience, and learning to feel fully alive again.

💌 If this resonates with you, I can help. I offer one-to-one psychotherapy online and in person.

📞 Call: 087 342 6977
📧 Email: psychotherapykuchenna@gmail.com
🌐 Visit: www.psychotherapykuchenna.com

Take the first step — you don’t have to navigate this alone.

Your therapist,
Sylwia 🤍

01/11/2025

Behaviours of an Avoidant Attachment Style

You want love… but you also want space.
You crave connection… but the moment it gets too close — you pull away. 🫶
Sounds familiar? You might be moving through life with an avoidant attachment style.

Avoidant attachment isn’t about not caring — it’s about protecting yourself.
When closeness once felt unsafe, distance becomes comfort.
You learned early that it’s safer not to rely on anyone — so now, as an adult, intimacy can feel overwhelming or “too much.” 💔

Here are some subtle everyday signs:
✨ you avoid deep emotional talks
✨ you feel more comfortable alone than with others
✨ you minimize your needs or emotions
✨ you pull away when someone gets too close
✨ you focus on work or independence to feel in control
✨ you dismiss affection or compliments
✨ you fear being “too dependent” on anyone

Underneath it all? A tender part of you that simply fears being hurt again.
You’re not cold. You’re guarded.
And those walls once kept you safe — but now, they might be keeping love out. 💛

Healing starts when you realise it’s okay to need people — and that closeness doesn’t mean losing yourself.

— Your therapist, Sylwia 🕊️

16/10/2025

16/10/2025

How Healing Rewrites the Story Trauma Once Told

Complex trauma doesn’t just live in the mind — it lives in the body, the nervous system, and the spaces between moments.
It shapes how we breathe, love, rest, and relate to the world.

For many of us, it began early.
We learned to stay small to feel safe.
We learned to read a room before we ever learned to read ourselves.
We learned that love might hurt, that silence might mean danger, and that safety was something we had to earn.

These lessons became survival — brilliant, adaptive, and deeply human.
But as adults, those same patterns can leave us feeling lost, numb, or disconnected from the life we long for.

Healing from complex trauma isn’t linear, and it’s not about erasing the past.
It’s about slowly teaching the body that safety is possible.
It’s about meeting the parts of us that learned to protect — and helping them rest.
It’s about remembering that we are not broken… we adapted.

✨ Before Healing, Trauma Might Look Like:
• Doubting yourself and your worth.
• Feeling on edge, waiting for something bad to happen.
• Struggling to feel or express emotions.
• Avoiding closeness, fearing you’ll be hurt again.
• Pleasing others at the cost of your own peace.
• Living with a harsh inner critic.
• Feeling disconnected from who you are.
• Being hijacked by triggers or emotional flashbacks.
• Losing hope that life could feel different.
• Feeling unsafe in your own body.

💛 With Healing, It Can Begin to Feel Like:
• Trusting your inner voice again.
• Feeling calm in moments that once felt threatening.
• Allowing yourself to feel joy, sadness, and love fully.
• Building relationships rooted in trust and mutual care.
• Saying “no” without guilt and “yes” without fear.
• Offering yourself compassion instead of criticism.
• Living from authenticity rather than survival.
• Soothing yourself with presence instead of punishment.
Seeing hope as something that lives inside you.
• Feeling grounded — finally at home in your own body

Healing is not a destination.
It’s the slow, sacred process of remembering your wholeness — piece by piece, breath by breath.
It’s learning that safety doesn’t mean perfection; it means belonging

02/10/2025

🌸 7 Behaviors of a Parentified Daughter 🌸

When a child is forced to step into the role of a parent — emotionally or practically — it leaves lasting marks that often show up in adulthood. If you were a parentified daughter, you may recognize yourself in these patterns:

1️⃣ Over-responsibility & perfectionism 🧾
You feel you must hold everything together, often taking on too much and pushing yourself toward burnout.

2️⃣ Difficulty setting boundaries 🚧
“No” feels unsafe. You put others’ needs first, even when it costs you your own well-being.

3️⃣ Caretaker role in relationships 🤝
You naturally become the rescuer, fixer, or emotional anchor for others — sometimes at the expense of being cared for yourself.

4️⃣ Suppressed or confused identity 🌪️
Because your childhood was sacrificed for adult responsibilities, you may struggle to know who you truly are or what you want.

5️⃣ Hidden resentment & emotional struggles 💔
You may carry anger, sadness, or emptiness deep inside, while feeling undeserving of care or support.

6️⃣ Being extremely hard on yourself 🪞
You are very demanding of yourself, struggle to forgive mistakes, and hold yourself to impossibly high standards.

7️⃣ Need for control & predictability 📅
Chaos and unpredictability make you anxious — you feel safest when things are structured, planned, and under control.

✨ If this resonates with you, please know: these patterns are not your fault. They were survival strategies. And healing is possible. 🌱

💌 With compassion,
Sylwia, your therapist

📲 Follow me for more insights on healing & self-growth.
💾 Save this post to revisit when you need it.
📤 Share it with someone who might need these words.
💬 Tell me in the comments: Which of these resonates with you the most?

27/09/2025

✨ Borderline Personality Disorder: Understanding the Signs ✨

Living with BPD can feel like being on an emotional rollercoaster 🎢 — full of highs, lows, and constant uncertainty. Recognizing the symptoms is the first step toward healing 💛.

🧠 Common symptoms include:
👉 Fear of abandonment & “testing” relationships to feel loved
👉 Unstable or intense relationships 💔➡️❤️
👉 Shifting self-image & identity 🌪️
👉 Impulsive behaviors (spending, risky choices, substances) ⚡
👉 Self-harm or suicidal thoughts/behaviors
👉 Emotional instability & rapid mood swings 🌊
👉 Chronic emptiness 😶‍🌫️
👉 Intense anger & difficulty controlling it 🔥
👉 Dissociation or paranoia under stress 🌌

💡 These patterns don’t define who you are — they’re signs of deep pain and unmet needs. With the right support, change and healing are absolutely possible. 🌱

✨ Remember: You are not “too much.” You are worthy of love, stability, and peace. 💕

🔔 If you recognize yourself or someone you love in these signs, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Therapy can help you learn new ways of coping, connecting, and rebuilding your sense of self.

With compassion,
💌 Sylwia, Your Therapist

18/09/2025

🪞 Yes… you too are saying it.
That quiet, sharp voice inside that whispers:
❌ “Why can’t I just get over it?”
❌ “I’m too sensitive.”
❌ “I should be stronger by now.”

This is self-criticism — and while it often disguises itself as “motivation,” in reality, it fuels shame, anxiety, and disconnection from who you truly are. For many of us, that critic was born from trauma: from childhood environments where love felt conditional, where emotions were dismissed, or where mistakes were punished harshly. Over time, the outside voices became internal ones.

💔 And here’s the hardest part: you may not even realize you’re carrying their words inside you every single day.

But there’s hope. Healing begins with awareness — and then with gentle replacement.
✔️ “Healing takes time. My pace is enough.”
✔️ “My feelings are valid. Sensitivity is not a weakness.”
✔️ “I’ve already survived so much. That proves my strength.”

When you practice speaking to yourself this way, you’re not being “soft” or “making excuses.” You’re rewiring your nervous system to feel safe. You’re teaching your brain a new language: compassion.

✨ Remember: self-criticism won’t make you stronger — but self-compassion will. It creates the safety you need to take risks, to grow, and to truly heal.

💬 I’d love to hear from you: What does your critical inner voice usually say? Share it below — because the more we bring these voices into the light, the less power they hold over us. 🌿

Save this post for the days your inner critic gets loud. You deserve the same kindness you give to others — and more. 💙

15/09/2025

🌿 What Your Triggers Are Trying to Tell You 🌿

Have you ever noticed how certain situations instantly make you feel unsafe, unseen, or “too much”? 🤯 Maybe it’s the fear of someone leaving, being criticized, or feeling like you’re not good enough. These reactions — called triggers — often aren’t about what’s happening right now. They’re reminders of old wounds we haven’t fully healed.

✨ For example:
👉 If feedback makes you spiral into shame, it might be connected to harsh criticism from childhood.
👉 If conflict makes you freeze or panic, you may have grown up in an unsafe or unpredictable environment.
👉 If you fear being a burden, you might have been told your needs were “too much.”

Triggers are not weaknesses — they’re clues. 🕵️ They’re messages from your nervous system, pointing to the places within you that still need safety, love, and healing.

💡 Healing looks like:

Learning to soothe yourself when old fears arise 🫶

Reparenting your inner child with gentleness 💕

Setting boundaries with authority figures without guilt 🚪

Allowing yourself to feel emotions without shame 🌊

Whether you’re here in Hastings watching the waves roll in 🌊 or anywhere else in the world 🌍, know this: you are not broken. You are responding exactly how your body learned to survive. And the fact that you’re even becoming aware of your triggers means you’ve already begun healing. 🌟

So next time you’re triggered, pause and ask yourself:
✨ “What is this really reminding me of?”
✨ “What do I truly need in this moment?”

Healing is messy, beautiful, and absolutely possible. You are enough. Always. 🤍

14/09/2025

⚠️This is classic manipulation pattern — often called DARVO:

✔️Deny what they did.

✔️Attack you instead.

✔️Reverse Victim and Offender — they paint themselves as the victim and you as the “bad person.”

‼️This tactic flips the script so you end up defending yourself instead of holding them accountable. It’s deeply invalidating and can leave you feeling confused, guilty, or questioning your own perception.

🤔Why they do this?

🙅🏽‍♀️To avoid responsibility for their actions.

↪️To shift blame and make you feel at fault.

📛To keep control of the dynamic by destabilizing you.

Signs you’re facing this ⬇️

🚨You calmly bring up how their behavior hurt you → they ignore what you said.

🚨Instead of addressing your feelings, they exaggerate their hurt or accuse you of cruelty.

🚨You leave the conversation feeling like you did something wrong, even though you just tried to communicate.

How to protect yourself ⬇️

✨️Stay grounded in facts: “I’m not talking about who’s the victim here. I’m talking about what happened.”

✨️Refuse the role reversal: Don’t let them turn the focus into your flaws. Bring it back: “This isn’t about me being good or bad, it’s about the impact of what happened.”

✨️Set boundaries: If they keep twisting the situation, disengage: “I can’t continue this conversation if you keep making me the problem instead of addressing what I brought up.”

✨️Reality check with others: Talk it through with someone you trust — manipulators thrive in private where they can distort the narrative.

👉 The key: You don’t have to win the argument. You just have to see the tactic for what it is so it doesn’t sink into your self-worth.

Your therapist,
Sylwia 🤍

13/09/2025

https://youtu.be/Vpgid8oXIFI?si=Ar4Q9lGPcwp8KDJm

In this episode of the Back to Self Therapeutic Podcast, we will look into parentification—what it is, how it shows up in childhood, and the lasting impact i...