07/12/2025
🌿 THE 7 PLACES YOUR BODY STORES GRIEF — AND WHY YOU FEEL PAIN THERE
By Bianca Botha, CLT | RLD | MLDT | CDS
Grief does not leave the body quietly.
It settles into the softest places, the weakest places, the places that once held safety.
Your nervous system remembers every loss — even the ones you tried to forget.
Your lymphatic system feels every emotion before you speak it.
Your tissues echo the stories your mouth never told.
Grief is not just emotional.
It is biological.
It is chemical.
It is physical weight your body tries so hard to carry for you.
Here are the seven places grief hides — and why each one hurts.
1. The Neck & Jaw — where unspoken words live
When grief hits, your vagus nerve tightens.
Your jaw clenches to hold back tears.
Your throat stiffens to hold back everything you wish you could say.
Physiology:
This tension compresses lymph nodes under the jaw and along the neck, slowing drainage and triggering headaches, pressure, and swollen glands.
Grief says:
“I never got to say what I needed to say.”
2. The Chest — where the ache settles when the heart breaks
Have you ever felt that heavy pressure in your chest when you miss someone?
That is the intercostal fascia tightening, shallow breathing reducing oxygen, and lymph fluid stagnating around the sternum.
Physiology:
Your sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flight) constricts the chest, slowing lymph flow and making you feel tight, breathless, and unable to expand emotionally.
Grief says:
“It hurts to breathe without them.”
3. The Abdomen — where emotions become inflammation
70% of your lymph lives around your gut.
So when grief overloads your nervous system, your digestion is the first place to collapse.
Bloating, cramps, heaviness, constipation, and nausea are not “in your head.”
They are your gut trying to process emotions your words couldn’t carry.
Physiology:
Cortisol surges inflame the gut wall.
Lymph stagnates.
Food moves slower.
The body swells.
Grief says:
“I’m trying to digest a life I didn’t choose.”
4. The Shoulders — where responsibility becomes weight
The body lifts its shoulders when bracing for impact — even emotional impact.
That knot behind your shoulder blade?
That burning between the shoulders?
It’s emotional load turned physical.
Physiology:
The thoracic duct — the main lymph vessel — passes behind the left shoulder.
When emotional tension builds, this duct becomes compressed, slowing drainage from the entire body.
Grief says:
“I’m carrying more than I can hold.”
5. The Lower Back — where survival stress collects
The kidneys are stress organs.
The psoas muscle is a trauma muscle.
The lumbar lymphatics drain into deep abdominal nodes that swell under cortisol and fear.
Lower back pain after loss is extremely common.
Physiology:
Chronic stress tightens fascia around the spine, reduces circulation, and inflames the psoas — the muscle that curls the body into a fetal position when overwhelmed.
Grief says:
“I don’t feel safe here.”
6. The Face — where sorrow becomes swelling
Puffy eyes.
Morning swelling.
A face that looks heavier than before loss.
Crying is cleansing — but the emotional chemicals released during grief temporarily thicken lymph fluid.
Physiology:
Histamines + cortisol slow lymphatic return, especially around the eyes where drainage pathways are delicate.
Grief says:
“I have cried from a place deeper than words.”
7. The Legs — where unresolved emotions sink downward
When your body is exhausted, overwhelmed, or fighting to cope, circulation shifts to essential organs, and lymph flow slows.
This causes:
• Heavy legs
• Fluid retention
• Swelling around the ankles
• Restless legs at night
Physiology:
Emotional stress reduces the “muscle pump mechanism,” making it harder for lymph to travel upward.
Grief says:
“I’m tired from carrying this for so long.”
🌿 HEAR THIS, BEAUTIFUL SOUL:
There is nothing wrong with your body.
It is not failing you.
It is responding to emotions too heavy for your heart to carry alone.
Grief does not leave quietly —
but it does leave.
With gentle movement.
With breath.
With lymphatic flow.
With compassion for yourself.
With time.
With truth.
With release.
Your body has been holding you together in the only way it knows how.
Be gentle with it.
Be patient with it.
It is trying to heal you.
