09/06/2021
In a television interview the son of the author Maya Angelou was asked,
“What was it like growing up in your mother’s shadow?”
He replied, “That’s funny, I always thought I was growing up in her light”.
I was so struck by what a great reframe that was. Children of famous people are often asked this question and the word shadow to me implies darkness and being behind someone when he reframed it to light it put him in front and lit him up.
The way we chose to look at things affects the way we feel about it. By becoming aware of the words we are choosing to use we can change the way we feel about situations. It can change our state from victim to victor.
I work with women who have been told that they were too bossy when they were little and as a result they decided to shrink themselves and become invisible. I say to them you are a natural leader and when they see it that way it completely changes how they feel about themselves.
In our family when anyone got very animated and started labouring a point or arguing we used to say, “stop getting agitated and aggressive” and that never really helped. We now say “wow, you are really passionate about that.” And it always has a better outcome.
Reframing opens us up to different perspectives and creates choice in the way we look a things. As Dr. Wayne Dyer rightly said, “when you change the way you look a things, the things you look at change.”
