EMDR Associates

07/07/2025

Alcohol use can make your relationship issues worse. That's because even a small amount of alcohol can get in the way of clear communication.

A couple came to me for counseling recently. They were deadlocked on the issues that had arisen in their relationship and could not even agree whether it was worth trying to save the marriage. When I asked about substance use, here’s what the wife told me:“I only drink 2 to 4 glasses of wine 3 o...

06/09/2025

Stop Chronic Fighting
Are you in a place in your relationship where it seems that all you do is fight? If so, chances are good that you're both stuck in a defense/attack mode that will never be productive. Our latest blog explains why and list things you can do to open up communication.

Five tips to help you break the cycle of chronic fighting.

05/22/2025

Are you distressed by your partner's po*******hy use? Does your partner try to hide their use or indulge in more use than feels comfortable for you? Partners of those with a po*******hy habit often feel that they've actually been cheated on and may develop symptoms of trauma. The issue is more common than you might think. Read about how to survive a partner's p**n habit in our latest blog.

Finding out that your partner actively uses po*******hy can be a painful shock to your system. Your partner's interest in p**n might make you think that he or she is not attracted to you and so is looking for stimulation outside of your relationship. It might make you fear that your partner has actu...

05/06/2025

Defensiveness can do lasting damage to your relationship.IN our latest blog, discover the sources of defensiveness, its impact, and five tips to reduce or prevent getting defensive.

Repair Your Relationship, Part 2Bonnie and Peter were having a conversation about what happened at dinner last night. Peter brought up the fact that he felt hurt when Bonnie took a phone call, got up from the table, and was gone for 15 minutes. Bonnie's response was: “I couldn’t help it. My sist...

05/06/2025

Defensiveness can do lasting damage to your relationship. In our latest blog, discover the sources of defensiveness, its impact, and five tips to reduce or prevent getting defensive.

Repair Your Relationship, Part 2Bonnie and Peter were having a conversation about what happened at dinner last night. Peter brought up the fact that he felt hurt when Bonnie took a phone call, got up from the table, and was gone for 15 minutes. Bonnie's response was: “I couldn’t help it. My sist...

05/02/2025

Tip of the Week: Is Your Relationship Set on Repeat ?

Sitting at your computer all day, doing the same motions over and over can injure your wrist or your back. That’s known as a repetitive stress injury and it can be quite painful and debilitating. Similarly, if your relationship routine is the same stuff over and over – going to work, coming home and taking care of dinner, kids, and laundry and then falling into bed exhausted – your relationship may suffer from a repetitive stress injury as well. Partners in this situation often feel like the relationship has run out of steam and just getting through is the best they can hope for.

So what can you do to reinvigorate your relationship?
1) Schedule in time for yourselves to have fun as a couple. Whether its physical intimacy, going to a movie, taking a walk in nature, or visiting with friends, having fun together brings new energy and reminds you of what you value in your partnership.

2) Make sure you are talking to each other about your feelings and needs. This promotes increased understanding of each other and is an antidote to responding to each other based on your own assumptions which are too often wrong.

3) Break the routine from time to time. Switch roles so that you’re doing the tasks you partner usually does and your partner is doing the things you typically do. Organize an outing that you know your partner would love and that you would not typically initiate. These sorts of activities allow for spontaneity and freshness while helping you ‘get’ your partner.

04/28/2025

Is your relationship in need of repair? Check out part 1 of our series, Repair Your Relationship, and get tips about how you and your partner can begin to improve things.

04/18/2025

Betrayed? By your own partner, friend , employer, or even your own family member? Few things hurt as deeply as betrayal--the lies, the gaslighting, the abandonment, the misunderstanding. Yet betrayal is an experience that most of us have to endure at some point. Read our blog post, "Dealing with Betrayal in Your Life" for some insight on how to survive this painful experience.

Betrayal is one of the most painful experiences you can have. It can lead you to question everything you once held dear...

04/14/2025

Tip of the Week: If You and Your Partner are Arguing Nonstop

If you’re caught in a cycle of nonstop arguments with your partner or spouse, it is time to consider the dictum “doing the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.” Here are three things you can do to try to break the cycle:

• Take a break from the fight (and make sure you set an agreed upon time to get back
together.) Maybe an hour, or a day, or whatever you both think you need. While apart do
healthy things to calm down, relax, and get your mind off the fight. This will allow your brain
to process the issues in the background and come to a broader understanding.

• Use “I statements” (and NOT things like “I think you’re an idiot”). For example, instead of
“you always dump all the work on me” try “I feel hurt and uncared about when you don’t
share in the cleanup.” This transforms the communication from accusing your partner (and
therefore putting him or her on the defensive) to informing your partner of what you’re
experiencing.

• Get professional help. A couple’s counselor can help you build the communication skills you
need to be able to reach one another. Your counselor can also help you frame your
disagreement so that it is not about winning or losing, but instead about understanding
each other and working together toward a resolution.

04/07/2025

Tip of the Week: If Your Adult Child Has Cut You Off:

It can be extremely painful if your adult child has cut you off and there may be little you can do to change the situation. So here are a few things you can do to help yourself: 1). Allow yourself to grieve. It is okay to acknowledge feelings of loss and allow yourself to process them. 2). Engage in self-care. Take time to do the things that help you relax and feel ok. Take walks in nature and spend time with those who love and care about you. 3). Seek support and professional help, especially if you find yourself trapped in rumination, anger, depression, or anxiety. 4). Talk about it with people you trust. Keeping it inside can be explosive and destructive. Plus, you’d be surprised at how many people have gone through something similar and can relate.

04/04/2025

Are you not talking to a parent, a child, or a sibling? Experiencing the searing pain of estrangement from your own family? Read our latest blog, "Coping with Family Estrangement."

Are you experiencing turmoil in your family? Maybe you’ve cut someone in your family off due to an unresolved disagreement, unacceptable behavior, or other conflict. Or, maybe you’re the one who has been cut off. In either case, family estrangement can be a painful and debilitating experience.If...

03/28/2025

Like to gamble a little too much? Find out if you have a gambling addiction and what you can do about it if so. Read our latest blog, "Help for Gambling Addictions"

Many people enjoy gambling. They find it to be an exciting and fun pastime. But for some, it can spiral into a serious addiction that affects every aspect of life. The results? Serious financial hardship, the destruction of relationships, and significant physical and emotional health issues. So, if....