05/10/2026
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE PHENOMENAL WOMEN WHO HAVEN'T EATEN THEIR YOUNG!
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Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown end up cleaning everyone's messes.
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner and then you realize you are the mom.
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
Nothing is lost until mom can't find it.
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
I want to be a Pinterest mom, but I'm more of an Amazon Prime mom.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
"My tween is mad at me and it could be because of any of the horrible things I did this morning: stood in the kitchen, poured coffee, stared out the window, said good morning, breathed..."
Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
"That's it. I'm selling my kid on eBay." "Don't be silly! You made him. Sell him on Etsy."
That feeling when your kid threatens not to talk to you for the rest of the day.
When you finally have time for a girls' night and realize your entire wardrobe went out of style in 2003.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby. Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
Motherhood: Because going to the bathroom in private is over-rated."
"The two amounts of pasta I'm best at cooking: 1. not enough 2. enough for 3,000 people."
"It's spicy: universal Mom Code for 'I don't want to share.' "
"I'm homeschooling like that substitute teacher who rolls in the tv for a movie and just eats snacks in the back of the class."
I hope this brought you some laughter today.
If no one has told you recently or today, Thank you for all you do! 💚
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