01/19/2025
What is Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)?
Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a profile associated with autism. People with PDA experience an overwhelming need to avoid everyday demands and expectations, even those that seem simple, because they feel intense anxiety or a loss of control. This can lead to extreme avoidance behaviors and sometimes severe challenging behavior when demands feel too much.
For example, a child with PDA might avoid getting dressed, going to school, or even participating in activities they usually enjoy. Their avoidance might look like distraction, refusal, running away, or having a meltdown. These behaviors aren’t about being naughty or defiant—they’re driven by a need to cope with anxiety or fear.
Examples of Extreme Avoidance
Distraction: A young person might change the subject, tell jokes, or ask lots of questions to delay doing something.
Meltdowns: When avoidance strategies don’t work, they may react with screaming, hitting, or destroying objects.
Overcompensation: They may act as though they are in control by taking on a “bossy” or overly independent role to avoid feeling trapped by demands.
Simple Strategies to Support Parents and Carers
Reduce direct demands: Instead of saying, “Put on your shoes,” try saying, “I wonder which shoes you might want to wear today?” or offer two choices. This can feel less overwhelming.
Be flexible: Allow your loved one to feel a sense of control. If they struggle with a routine, adjust it where possible. For example, let them choose the order in which tasks are done.
Use indirect encouragement: Frame tasks as fun, collaborative activities. For example, instead of saying, “It’s time to tidy up,” you might say, “Let’s see if we can tidy up together in 2 minutes like a team.”
Focus on relationships, not demands: Build trust and connection first. A calm, low-pressure approach can help them feel safer.
Offer breaks and safe spaces: Give them time to regulate if they feel overwhelmed. Having a quiet area or sensory tools available can help them reset.
PDA can cause severe challenges, but understanding the underlying anxiety behind the avoidance is key. By using empathy, flexibility, and creative strategies, you can support your loved one while reducing stress for yourself. Remember, seeking professional guidance can also be incredibly helpful in managing PDA behaviors.
