06/24/2024
A Thoughtful Reflection on Men's Mental Health
June heralds Men's Mental Health Month, and while I’m not typically one to celebrate anything beyond the birthdays of others, not even my own, this occasion calls for reflection. I usually avoid the "tell your story" trope, which has become a cringe-worthy staple in the entrepreneur and personal brand space. While I understand the optimistic reasons behind it, two things keep me from joining in: money isn’t my master, and being a role model/influencer isn’t a role I aspire to. So, here's why I'm writing this.
Let’s cut to the chase for all the men—or anyone who needs to hear this: "Go easy on yourself, but first, get over yourself." Society, with its endless memes, mirrors a relentless cycle of expectations, especially for men with families. We wrestle daily with these cultural standards that have been handed to us like unsolicited advice at a family dinner.
Here’s the deal: "Go easy on yourself." At our core, we’re just flesh and bones, all bleeding the same blood and breathing the same air. Life, inherently simple, is often complicated by the pointless hoops we make ourselves jump through. We let strangers, who might not even uphold their own standards, dictate our benchmarks—like taking dating advice from someone who can’t keep a steady relationship, or listening to homeownership tips from someone renting an apartment. Social media only amplifies this noise.
Consider this: "Who do you want to be?" What do you do daily to become that person? Each day is a new opportunity to improve. You don’t need to wake up as a new person; just take small steps in the right direction. Silence the noise and listen to yourself—not to trending topics from podcast gurus or internet entrepreneurs using "Pain, Agitate, Solve" marketing tactics to make you feel financially inadequate. You don’t HAVE to make it. If you have a chance at bat, you’ve already made it. Pursue more if you wish, but don’t tie it to your happiness benchmark.
For those of you with kids, don’t let the desire to give them a better life turn you into a stressed-out dad. Ironically, this might only lead to a life they don’t value. If you feel the need to "do better," ask yourself why. If it’s for imaginary hurdles, reconsider the stress you're willing to endure. If you’re exhausted, REST! The toxic hustle culture has produced a multitude of miserable people, hiding behind material possessions to mask their loneliness, lost relationships, or estranged families.
Time is the great equalizer, consistently doling out humility. This is why I say, "get over yourself." Remember, you’re only human. We won’t escape life without scars, both physical and mental. We will miss many marks we set for ourselves, even if we’re making progress. This isn’t depressing unless you believe you’re above the randomness and inconsistencies of life. One of my favorite jokes, regardless of your spiritual beliefs, is: "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." We are not in control; we never were. No one has a perfect life. Every successful person probably didn’t achieve their goals as quickly as they claim.
If you’re living by the narrative that "everyone is counting on me," remember that those who care about you most are counting on you to lift that burden off your back and be present for them. I won’t virtuously claim to be available if you need someone to talk to—I can't promise that. But if your mental health struggles revolve around money, ask yourself, "What do I lose if I go to zero?" Then ask, "What do I gain?" The latter often reveals why hitting rock bottom isn’t the end of the road, but merely the end of a chapter. You learn to navigate life without the fear of zero. If you feel like you've been at zero and still desire more, perhaps you’ve only experienced insufficient funds, not true bankruptcy of spirit.
Embrace your imperfections, laugh at your plans, and take each day as it comes—scars and all.
