Martin Koford Counselor

03/11/2022

Depression treatment resistant option offered at Ascend Counseling and Wellness in St. George, Utah. Call 435-688-1111 for more info!

Dr. Phil and Dr. Bradley Jabour discuss Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), a safe, effective, nonpharmacological treatment to stimulate nerve cells in ...

03/01/2020

02/29/2020

Many couples come to me and say: I love my partner, so we stay together. I share with them that love is unconditional, relationships aren't. Relationships should have definition, where are we heading, and shared meaning. If not, it usually ends up like a ship without a rudder. 🤔

11/06/2019

7 tips to help deal with differences between you and your partner:

1. Create a relaxed atmosphere and spend time with your partner on a regular basis so you can communicate about your desires and objectives.

2. Don’t give up personal goals and the things you love to do such as hobbies or interests. This will only breed resentment.

3.Support one another’s passions. Accept that you won’t always share the same interests. Respect your partner’s need for space if they want to go on a vacation without you, etc.

4. Learn to resolve conflicts skillfully. Don’t put aside resentments that can destroy a relationship. Couples who try to avoid conflict are at risk of developing stagnant relationships, which can put them at high risk for divorce.

5. Establish an open-ended dialogue. Listen to your partner’s requests and ask for clarification on points that are unclear. Avoid threats and saying things you’ll regret later.

6. Avoid the “blame game.” Take responsibility for your part in the problems and accept that all human beings are flawed in some way. The next time you feel upset with your partner, check out what’s going on inside yourself and pause and reflect before you place the blame on them.

7. Be realistic about a time-line for change. It takes more than a few sessions to shed light on the dynamics and to begin the process of change.

07/17/2019

Can you spot the difference between these toddlers’ brains? They belong to children of the same age, but one is the brain of an emotionally abused toddler and one is the brain of a toddler wi…

07/07/2019

10 Little Changes that Can Make a Big Impact on Your Marriage

Improving a marriage doesn’t always require a gigantic intervention. Instead, changing little daily habits can make a big difference in how you feel about your marriage and most importantly, how you behave toward your spouse. Whether you want to keep your marriage healthy or you need to reignite a spark, change some of your daily habits and you’ll be more likely to experience marital bliss.

1. Treat Your Bedroom Like a Romantic Retreat

The ambiance in your bedroom can either spark romance or put out any passionate fires. If you’ve got a child sleeping between you, clothes piled up to the ceiling or sheets that haven’t been replaced in a decade, you’re not likely going to feel an air of romance when you enter the room. Many couples who take great pride in all other areas of their homes tend to neglect the master bedroom. However, if you want to spark some romance, put energy into fixing up and cleaning the master bedroom. A little paint on the walls, some new sheets and a lot of organizing can go a long way to putting the mood back in the bedroom.

2. Schedule a Date Night Each Week

If you don’t schedule a date night, it’s not likely to happen. Commitments with friends, obligations with family or other excuses can easily get in the way. However, if you don’t make the time to nourish your relationship on a regular basis, it can be harmful. For some couples, it works best to pick a night each week to make date night. For other couples, it makes more sense to sit down with a calendar and determine when they can make it happen each week. If money is tight, remember you can get creative and find many free or low cost activities that will offer plenty of opportunities to have fun and grow together as a couple.

3. Set a Goal for Your Marriage Each Day

Imagine what could happen if you woke up each day with a goal for your marriage. You could do some great work. And they wouldn’t even have to be big goals. Instead, making a conscious decision each day to do something kind or spend quality time with your spouse can go a long way. Even saying, “I’m going to find three positive things to say to my spouse,” or “I’m not going to be irritable today,” can help you stay focused.

4. Focus on What You Contribute Not What You Gain

Take a look at what you are contributing to your marriage each day. Instead of focusing on what your partner hasn’t done for you or what’s not working, only focus on what you are doing to grow the marriage. If you focus on making life easier for your spouse, you’ll have less time to focus on how the marriage is making your life more difficult.

5. Turn Off Distractions

If you’ve ever said, “Yup,” without having any idea what your spouse actually said, it’s a sign that you probably tune your spouse out. If your spouse’s voice seems to blend into the background, it can cause a lot of communication problems. Get focused and turn off distractions. Shut off the TV, put down your laptop and stop texting while you’re attempting to listen.

6. Pay Attention to Behaviors More than Feelings

Pay attention to what you do more than how you feel. Just think about how your attendance would be at work if you only went in on the days that you felt like working. If you’re like most people, your attendance record might look pretty sparse. However, if you value your paycheck and don’t want to get fired, you likely go to work even on the days when you don’t want to. Imagine if you treated your marriage the same. Instead of only helping your spouse when you felt like or only behaving affectionately when you wanted to, you did it anyway because you value your marriage.

7. Treat Your Spouse Better than Anyone Else

Think of how you treat your spouse on your worst days. When you’re in a bad mood or aren’t happy with your spouse’s behavior, what do you do? Sadly, spouses often seem to get the short end of the stick. If you’ve had a bad day at work, you’re stressed out or you’re mad at your spouse, it doesn’t give you permission to behave badly. Spouses should get treated better than your boss, your friends, your in-laws and strangers yet sometimes we’re on our best behavior with those people and not our spouses.

8. Listen More than You Speak

Talking too much and not listening can wreak havoc on communication. Remember, you have two ears and only one mouth for a reason. Practice active listening to really hear what your spouse has to say. Ask questions, show interest and give your spouse the floor.

9. Offer Words of Encouragement

Sometimes criticism comes more easily than encouragement. However, you should be your spouse’s biggest fan in life. The world can be a difficult place and your spouse needs your support. Offer words of genuine praise and encouragement each and every day.

10. Remember the Good Times

Marriage isn’t going to be a picnic every day. However, remembering the good times can drum up lots of positive and loving feelings. Take time to talk about your happy memories, whether it’s a vacation you enjoyed, a fun adventure you went on, when your children were born or a time in your life that makes you smile. Look at pictures together as well and take a stroll down memory lane often and remember to work on creating new happy memories as well.

07/05/2019

How can marriage counseling help couples?

• A motivated couple can begin to explore their problems from a new perspective.
• They can learn new ways to recognize and resolve conflicts as a result of the tools provided by the therapist.
• Partners can improve communication that may have eroded the quality of their interactions. It's common for couples to reach an impasse and lose the ability to be vulnerable and trusting of one another.
• It can provide "neutral territory" to help couples work through tough issues or to put aside "baggage" that prevents the couple from moving on.
• Couples can decide to rebuild their marriage and make a renewed commitment, or clarify the reasons why they need to separate or end the marriage.

07/02/2019

7 tips to help deal with differences between you and your partner:

1.Create a relaxed atmosphere and spend time with your partner on a regular basis so you can communicate about your desires and objectives.

2.Don’t give up personal goals and the things you love to do such as hobbies or interests. This will only breed resentment.

3.Support one another’s passions. Accept that you won’t always share the same interests. Respect your partner’s need for space if they want to go on a vacation without you, etc.

4.Learn to resolve conflicts skillfully. Don’t put aside resentments that can destroy a relationship. Couples who try to avoid conflict are at risk of developing stagnant relationships, which can put them at high risk for divorce.

5.Establish an open-ended dialogue. Listen to your partner’s requests and ask for clarification on points that are unclear. Avoid threats and saying things you’ll regret later.

6.Avoid the “blame game.” Take responsibility for your part in the problems and accept that all human beings are flawed in some way. The next time you feel upset with your partner, check out what’s going on inside yourself and pause and reflect before you place the blame on them.

7.Be realistic about a time-line for change. It takes more than a few sessions to shed light on the dynamics and to begin the process of change.

01/18/2019

By turning our get-togethers with friends into regular events, we can build the kinds of connections that will sustain us, says life coach Baya Voce.

02/19/2018

Reminisce is a powerful tool

Reading to children has education benefits, of course—but so does sharing tales from the past.

02/15/2018

Tragic Events Can Affect Us All
from the American Counseling Association
Were you aware that when you read about or hear about news reports of major tragedies, they may
be impacting your own life beyond what you may realize?
The recent devastating hurricanes... reports of terrible earthquake damage... the threatening military
actions in the far east... the too-numerous terror attacks occurring in Europe -- any and all of these, no matter
how far removed from where you live, are events that can affect each of us in negative ways.
We all want to feel safe in our daily lives, but when we see and hear exhaustive news reports of tragic
events on a regular basis, it can bring on very real physical and emotional reactions. It's called vicarious
trauma. Such reactions are common and normal in the face of events too large and horrific for normal
comprehension. They can make you wonder just how safe you are as you realize that whatever just
happened, or something similar, could just as easily happen to you.
Real physical reactions can include chills, nausea, dizziness and headaches. You may find yourself
more irritable, prone to anger or having sudden emotional outbursts. Some people experience confusion or
nightmares, or may simply find it difficult to relax.
The problems that can arise are not in the emotions we feel, but in how we respond to them. When
you deny such feelings, or try to hide from them by working longer hours, or by turning to alcohol or drugs,
you aren't validating and accepting your very real, very normal feelings.
A good way to respond to such feelings is to go back to basics. Stick to a schedule. Be well rested. Eat
healthy meals. Alternate exercise and relaxation.
If feeling overly anxious, try pampering yourself a little. Take a hot bath, listen to your favorite music,
read a good novel, maybe even allow yourself to cry. It's also important to spend time with others and to talk
about what you're feeling. In times of tragedy, you'll find others are experiencing similar feelings and
reactions and are often eager to discuss them.
It's also a good time to start, or increase, volunteer work. Helping others also helps you as your work
makes the world a little bit better.
Being affected by tragedies is a very normal human reaction. When it happens, acknowledge what
you're feeling and take steps to help you feel better.