Kami Orange Boundary Coach

Kami Orange Boundary Coach Boundary Coach & Author of SAY THE THING
Fat, Queer, Autistic, Plant Parent🌵 Kami Orange, Boundary Coach. Fat, Queer, Autistic, Plant Parent.

05/08/2026

The three steps to make a friend:

One. Get their name right and memorize it.

Two. Find out what they care about and keep asking them about it.

Three. Spend time together.

To go from an acquaintance to a casual friend can take 40 to 60 hours. To become close friends can take 200 or more hours.

I think that’s why people assume friendships formed in childhood are superior to friendships made as adults. The accumulated hours spent together as kids is hard to match in our busy adult lives. It’s still possible but that time investment has to happen.

I’m a boundary coach and if you like this type of content, you will probably also enjoy my boundary phrase book SAY THE THING. Published by Hay House, it is available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.🧡

Visual Description Written by Kami:
Kami is sitting in her parked car still wearing her seat belt and talking directly to the camera. She a fat white woman with short sandy hair wearing an orange t-shirt and coral patterned overalls. There are sunglasses balanced precariously on the top of her forehead. Kami keeps brushing her bangs out of her eyes because the sunglasses are not doing their job of holding her hair back.

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05/07/2026

How I talk to my friends as a boundary coach, part 4.

I send a lot of voice memos or audio messages to my friends. This video is based on that; of listening to a voice memo from your friend while folding laundry.

A few key phrases:

I want you to know that no matter what I’m here for you.

There isn’t anything I can say to make this hurt less. I wish there was.

If you can’t think, can’t eat, can’t sleep but also can’t wake up, can’t shower, can’t focus on anything for more than a second, all of that is normal for what you’re going through.

It’s going to hurt so much until it doesn’t. Then it will just hurt less intensely, less often.

You’re not alone even though you probably feel completely alone and like no one understands the specific horrible agony you’re feeling.

I wish I could sit next to you and just hold your hand right now.

I’m a boundary coach and if you like this type of content, you will probably also enjoy my boundary phrase book SAY THE THING. Published by Hay House, it is available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.🧡

Visual Description Written by Kami:
Kami is sitting on the living room floor folding a pile of orange and pink clothes. She a fat white woman with a brown-blonde pixie hair cut wearing a dark pink pajama tank top and black shorts. Behind her is a brown faux leather couch with more clean laundry on it and she occasionally adds to the pile of shirts that need to be hung up. She’s not looking at the camera and the video is on three times the speed so her clothes folding looks inhumanly fast. The words “How I Talk To My Friends” are on the screen across the bottom.

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05/06/2026

How I talk to my friends as a boundary coach, part 3.

Overall, I’m a calm kind person… unless someone messes with the people I love.

Then I rage!!! 🔥

The ten phrases in the video:

What happened is not okay.

It’s not fair and it’s not your fault.

You didn’t do anything wrong.

You know I love you enough to tell you if this was on you but in this case it was 0% you and 100% them.

That’s just so messed up and I’m furious for you right now!

You get to be as angry as you want.

How dare they?? HOW DARE THEY!? Swear word, curse word, long cussing like a sailor. Swear. Word.

I actually think you might be downplaying this a bit because it’s seriously not okay.

Do we want to mail elephant đź’© to their house? Because I know where to order that and I have a credit card ready to go if you need me to make that happen for you?

You might forgive them someday but I probably never will because they messed with my friend and I’m not ever going to forget that.

I’ve been a boundary coach for five years and I wrote a boundary phrase book called SAY THE THING. Published by Hay House, it is available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.🧡

Visual Description Written by Kami:
Kami is a fat white woman with pixie cut sandy hair hanging over her forehead and into her eyes. Wearing a blue tank top covered in orange flowers, she is sitting on a brown faux leather couch speaking directly to the camera. When she gets loud, she shakes her finger or leans back in disgust or rolls her eyes in emphasis. The words “How I Talk To My Friends” are on the screen across the bottom.

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05/05/2026

How I talk to my friends as a boundary coach, part 2.

The four phrases in the video:

It would be a kindness if you would make this decision for me.

Would you like to choose or would it be more supportive if I choose for you?

If it is totally up to me, I’d pick XYZ so unless you have a strong preference otherwise, I think that’s what we should do.

I’m not clear on what all my options are. Will you help me figure it out?

My boundary phrase book is called SAY THE THING. Published by Hay House, it is available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.🧡

Visual Description Written by Kami:
Kami is a fat white woman with pixie cut sandy hair hanging over her forehead and into her eyes. Wearing an orange t-shirt with the neckline cut out, she is sitting on the floor against the end of her bed speaking directly to the camera. Behind her is a mess of yellow blankets, blue sheets, and a lived in looking space.

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05/04/2026

How I talk to my friends as a boundary coach.

The nine affirming phrases I said in the video:

You make good decisions.
I trust that you make good decisions.
I make good decisions.

You are capable of figuring this out.
I trust in your capacity to figure this out.
I am capable of figuring this out.

You are the expert on your own life.
I trust that you are the expert on your own life.
I am the expert on my own life.

Why am I tapping with crossed arms and one hand on each shoulder? It’s a form of bilateral stimulation which means it’s engaging both the right and left sides of the brain.

My understanding is this helps with neural plasticity and wiring into the brain new beliefs (or reinforcing them). I’m not a brain expert so I can’t explain in great detail why it works but I know that information is available if you go looking for it. Search “bilateral stimulation”.

Really I do it because it makes my body relax and I feel more calm afterwards. Notice how after I tap a bit there’s a point where my shoulders release and my breath deepens.

My boundary phrase book is called SAY THE THING. Published by Hay House, it is available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.🧡

Visual Description Written by Kami:
Kami is a fat white woman with pixie cut sandy hair hanging over her forehead and into her eyes. Wearing an orange t-shirt, she is sitting inside against a white wall speaking directly to the camera with a kind gentle look in her eyes. Mostly her arms are out of view but when she starts tapping, her right hand is up on the front of her left shoulder and her left hand is up on the front of her right shoulder. It’s a crossed arms vampire in a coffin pose except her hands are alternately flapping.

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05/01/2026

Four boundary phrases I use at the doctor’s office as a fat person.

I don’t want to be weighed today.

I’m not here to talk about my weight. I’m here to talk about fill in the blank.

I would like it noted in my chart that you are refusing to test me for fill in the blank.

If this was a visit with an anesthesiologist or you were prescribing me medications that are dosed by weight, then I would. But otherwise it’s not relevant to what we’re here to discuss so I’m not going to do that today.

For more boundary phrases on fatness, food, and bodies, I wrote a whole book of them called SAY THE THING. Published by Hay House, it is available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.🧡

Visual Description Written by Kami:
Kami is a fat white woman with pixie cut sandy hair hanging over her forehead and almost into her eyes. Wearing an orange boat neck shirt, she is sitting inside with brown faux leather furniture and a silver living room lamp behind her. She is speaking directly to the camera with an unsmiling look on her face.

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04/30/2026

My top seven books about body positivity, fat activism, and the overlap of racism, classism, and disability in anti-fatness.

In order:

Belly of the Beast by Da’Shaun L. Harrison

You Just Need to Lose Weight" And 19 Other Myths About Fat People by Aubrey Gordon

Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia by Sabrina Strings

The Seven Necessary Sins for Women and Girls by Mona Eltahawy

The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love by Sonya Renee Taylor

What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat by Aubrey Gordon

SAY THE THING: Boundary-Setting Scripts & Phrases to Communicate Directly & Speak Up With Kindness by Kami Orange (the person who made the video).

If you have any suggestions for books or resources (podcasts, documentaries, websites, forums, etc) on this topic, please share in the comments so we can all learn from each other! 🧡

Visual Description Written by Kami:
Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy hair that’s hanging over her forehead into her eyes. She’s facing the camera holding up copies of the books she’s talking about one by one. On the white indoor wall behind her are a few small brighter white patches where holes are being repaired.

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04/29/2026

Existing in a fat body is political.

My focus is beyond the individual experience of body positivity into the collective movement of fat liberation.

Being a boundary coach is how I’m helping the work of fat activism move forward in my corner of the world.

For boundary phrases on fatness, food, and bodies, I wrote a whole book of them called SAY THE THING. Published by Hay House, it is available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.🧡

Visual Description Written by Kami:
Kami is a fat white woman with pixie cut sandy hair hanging over her forehead and almost into her eyes. She’s walking out the back door while talking to the camera which then switches to show the her two yellow tube bird feeders. The camera follows Kami’s hands taking the empty bird feeders down, opening the bird seed bucket, pouring bird seed into the feeder, and then rehanging the bird feeder back up. A wide view of the whole backyard shows a little bird eating at the feeder and then flying away when the camera gets closer. Then the camera is inside the house looking out the window at a dozen small birds eating, landing on, and flying around the yellow tube bird feeders.

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04/28/2026

“Fat Fallen Empire”, a poem by me, Kami Orange, about being a fat woman online in 2026 America.

Our cultural obsession with thinness is a tool of whyt supremacy which keep selfish people in power.

You can’t march in the streets or protest class warfare if you are fixated on being smaller.

Body standards are unevenly applied to Black, brown, and racialized people. In turn, this hurts disabled and poor people who are a higher percentage of those communities in America.

At this point when people call me “fat” as an online insult, I assume they are someone who benefits from whyt supremacy.

And so far I’ve been correct each time I check their social profiles.

Let me be super clear: liberal leftist radical spaces online are not typically fat-friendly but that group doesn’t go trolling in comment sections saying, “She’s fat so her thoughts are invalid!” like conservative right extremists.

Visual Description Written by Kami:
Kami is a fat white woman with pixie cut sandy hair hanging over her forehead and almost into her eyes. She’s indoors sitting on the couch looking boldly at the camera while reciting her poem.

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04/24/2026

It’s okay to be fat. If I was using auto-generated video descriptions and it labeled me as a fat white woman, that would be fine!

However, generative AI is gross and I am insulted people think I’m using it.

GenAI goes against my politics of supporting disabled people first because where genAI data centers are being built disproportionately impacts poor communities full of disabled people.

GenAI goes against my politics of saving the bees and trees because I care about the environment and the water usage of genAI data centers is horrific.

GenAI goes against my life work as an author, creative, reader, and collector of original artwork. I refuse to support something that is based on stolen intellectual property.

I don’t and I won’t use the plagiarism pattern machine.

Video Description For People Using A Screen Reader: Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy hair. She is wearing an orange tank top and sitting against an indoor white wall speaking directly to the camera.

Note For People Who Dislike The Video Description: I wrote it. It’s not automatically generated. I am describing myself for people who are blind or low vision so they know what’s happening in the video. I am fat. I am also tall. Both of these are neutral descriptive adjectives. Telling me I’m being “mean to myself” by acknowledging my fatness is a projection of your anti-fat beliefs.

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04/23/2026

How to say no to people pushing you to try medical cannabinoid.

By follower request. If you need a boundary phrase, I’m looking for topics related to disability and mental health for upcoming content. Please ask in the comments and I might make a video about it!

The four phrases in this video (so you can save them to memorize and use):

I’m happy with what I’m doing.

I’m not looking for suggestions on my health right now. But I did want to ask you about [total topic switch]?

I love how much you love me and I know you’re trying to be supportive. You have brought up medical cannabinoid in multiple times even though I’ve told you I am not interested in that. Please don’t bring it up again.

I already said no. I’m not going to change my mind. Please stop asking me about medical cannabinoid.

For more boundary phrases, I wrote a whole book of them called SAY THE THING. Published by Hay House, it is available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.🧡

Description For People Using A Screen Reader: Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy hair. She is wearing an orange and blue floral shirt and sitting against an indoor white wall speaking directly to the camera.

Note For People Who Dislike The Screen Reader Description: I wrote it. It’s not automatically generated. I am describing myself for people who are blind or low vision so they know what’s happening in the video. I am fat. I am also tall. Both of these are neutral descriptive adjectives. Telling me I’m being “mean to myself” by acknowledging my fatness is a projection of your anti-fat beliefs.

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Saint George, UT
84770

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