Kami Orange Boundary Coach

Kami Orange Boundary Coach Boundary Coach & Author of SAY THE THING
Fat, Queer, Autistic, Plant Parent🌵 Kami Orange, Boundary Coach. Fat, Queer, Autistic, Plant Parent.

03/16/2026

I appreciate your curiosity but that is not a question I’m going to answer. Let’s change the subject.

This boundary phrase is good for situations where the other person is asking about something private, inappropriate, or otherwise just something you don’t want to share.

For more kind and direct responses, I wrote a whole encyclopedia of them! Check out my book SAY THE THING: Boundary-Setting Scripts & Phrases to Communicate Directly & Speak Up With Kindness. Available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy blonde hair. She is wearing a bright orange floral jumpsuit and is at the plant store walking back and forth trying to decide if she is going to purchase more than one gold dust acuba plant. She puts the plant down, picks it back up, and paces until she decides.

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03/13/2026

The six stages to learning boundaries are…

Stage 1: Unaware. You don’t ’t know what you don’t know. You’ve never heard of boundaries. You not even aware that skill exists.

Stage 2: Epiphany. Something happens that opens you up. An epiphany moment! You discover that boundaries are what you’ve been missing in your life!

Stage 3: Decide. You decide to start learning boundaries. You talk about it with your friends or therapist, you follow boundary educators (like me) online, you read books about boundaries. You’ve decided you need this and are doing the work to learn.

Stage 4: Persist. You trying to set boundaries. You mess up. You try again. It’s hard. This is where most people quit. The gap between what their skills are and what their goals are is too far for them to cross. But not you! You keep going!!!

Stage 5: Practice. You keep practicing boundaries. You gain experience in when, where, and how to say the thing. Certain areas need extra attention but your practice is really paying off.

Stage 6: Competency. You’ve got boundaries! Your skill level is a match for your needs. Having boundaries has become part of your daily life without extra effort. There’s always opportunities to grow when new situations come up but overall you are competent at boundaries.

If you’re at Stages 3, 4, or 5, I wrote a whole book for you! It’s also a good resource if you’re a Stage 6 with people asking you to help them learn boundaries.

Say The Thing is available everywhere books are sold in e-book, audiobook, and paperback.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy blonde hair. She is wearing an orange shirt tank top and gray over the ear headphones while sitting on the floor of her clothes closet. There is her voice talking while six stages of a monstera leaf opening up are on screen. It is bright green and beautiful at the end.

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03/12/2026

If one side doesn’t want the other side to exist at all, it’s not possible to just “get along”.

You can use this reply in a wide variety of situations these days. For more compassionate language options, I wrote an entire book of kind and direct boundary phrases called SAY THE THING. Available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy blonde hair. She is wearing an orange shirt and coral overalls speaking directly to the camera while sitting outside in her backyard against the stucco house.

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03/11/2026

Is everything “too politically correct” or is it simply compassion in fancy language?

I often think of the phrase: I don’t know how to explain to you why you should care about other people.

Because I do. I care. Compassion and generosity are my primary values. It’s the filter I run all my choices through.

I want to use language that the people within the group have requested we use. I want to better support historically excluded people. If changing my words can help, that’s a simple solution.

For more compassionate language options, I wrote an entire book of kind and direct boundary phrases called SAY THE THING. Available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy blonde hair. She is wearing a blue tank top with orange flowers and speaking directly to the camera while standing in her bathroom.

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03/10/2026

Because everything IS political.

There’s a whole chapter on this in my boundary phrase encyclopedia book SAY THE THING. Available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy blonde hair. She is wearing an orange tank top and speaking directly to the camera while standing in front of a white wall.

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03/09/2026

Say anything (if you can) even though no perfect words exist.

You have to live with yourself tomorrow. Do you want to be someone who stood up for what you believe in or who kept quiet?

Obviously if speaking up risks your food, shelter, or safety, then do what you need to do to survive. You’re the expert on your circumstances.

For more boundary coaching, check out my boundary phrase encyclopedia book SAY THE THING. Available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy blonde hair. She is standing at a plastic covered table in her dining room pulling a snake plant out of a plastic pot. As she speaks to the camera, she removes extra dirt, bark, and begins separating the parts of the plant.

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03/06/2026

20 pounds is 9 kilograms.

I don’t lift weights at the gym so I am unfamiliar with how that equipment works but I’m sure the store worker misspoke because he easily pushed the cart of bricks.

64 bricks at 5 pounds each equals 320 lbs (145 kg).

I know that’s not a deadlift but there’s no way he meant he can only lift 20 pounds, right??

For more stories from my life, check out my boundary phrase encyclopedia book SAY THE THING: Boundary-Setting Scripts & Phrases to Communicate Directly & Speak Up With Kindness. Available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy blonde hair. She is sitting on the couch in her living room speaking directly to the camera.

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03/06/2026

Cactus are boundary plants.🌵

I have three different stages of the same paddle cactus plant: just beyond seeds, a little one, and big ones in pots outside.

Also known as prickly pear cactus or sold in stores as nopales to eat, this plant is native to the Southern Utah desert where I live.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy blonde hair. She speaks directly to the camera, then shows footage of a few tiny spiked cactus plants, a small paddle cactus plant under a grow light, and then four large planters outside with large paddle cactus in the sun.

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03/03/2026

Assume ignorance over malice.

Or, Hanlon’s razor at the barber shop!

It makes my life smoother, easier, and happier to assume most people are trying their best and not trying to cause harm.

That most people are good.

That if the options are “they accidentally made a mistake” or “they did it on purpose to hurt me,” the first option is most likely.

Malice, intentional harm, and bad actors who are selfish and breaking the social contracts that enable humans to live in community do exist! Absolutely.

They’re simply…rare. In my opinion.

And even if I’m wrong and most people are awful, believing that makes me feel stressed, scared, and avoidant of taking risks to create connections.

I prefer assume ignorance over malice.

(Hanlon’s razor is a famous adage, “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.)

For more of how I see the world, check out my book SAY THE THING: Boundary-Setting Scripts & Phrases to Communicate Directly & Speak Up With Kindness. Available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy blonde hair. She is sitting on the couch in her living room speaking directly to the camera.

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03/02/2026

It was cool, dry, and dark in my fridge because it was BROKEN.

That’s the funniest part of this to me: I was confused about what people were trying to explain about potato storage because everything they described as ideal potato storage conditions matched my experience…with the 30 year old fridge that wasn’t cold or humid.

Not because I’m autistic.

If you want to read all about this drama on Threads, it’s up to 700+ comments!

For more direct, literal, and blunt language, check out the boundary phrases in my book SAY THE THING: Boundary-Setting Scripts & Phrases to Communicate Directly & Speak Up With Kindness. Available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy blonde hair. She is inside her bathroom in front of the sink putting moisturizer on her face, deodorant under her arms, and combing then blow drying her hair. There are screenshots shown of comments calling her ableist and brief video footage of the potatoes in the refrigerator drawer.

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02/27/2026

Seven boundary phrases to use if you’re on Grief Beach right now.

My suggestion is to pick just one phrase that feels comfortable for you to use and memorize it. Because someone will inevitably say something weird about your grief and it helps to be prepared with a response.

Here are the seven phrases in the video:

I understand that you're trying to express concern, but it's coming across as morbid curiosity, and I'm not gonna answer any more questions today.

I'm not gonna talk about this with you.

That's too painful for me to talk about. Please don't ask me any more questions.

I know you mean that in a comforting way, but that doesn't feel comforting right now.

It’s hard being this sad. It's not a switch I can just flip on and off.

If this is too much for you, you're welcome to excuse yourself, but I'm not gonna pretend to be anything other than devastated right now.

If believing in a cosmic conductor of events brings you peace, I think that's wonderful. For me, I don't believe in that sentiment, and I would appreciate it if you didn't say that to me again.

Everything I covered in this video is in the grief chapter of my book, Say The Thing. Available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback wherever books are sold.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy hair wearing an orange tank top and gray over the ear headphones. She is in her kitchen removing food items from inside an old noisy refrigerator.

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02/26/2026

Welcome to Grief Beach. Nobody wants to live here.

In my experience with grief, it’s an ongoing state of being. Once you’ve been to Grief Beach, you can be struck with a wave at anytime.

A decade later, you walk by someone at the store who smells just like that person you lost…and it hits you. All over again.

While there is therapeutic value in the Kübler-Ross model of the Five Stages of Grief, I don’t believe grief is a start to finish process.

If you’re new to grieving, it’s unlikely you’ll begin at Stage One Denial, go through Bargaining, Anger, Depression, and finish at Stage Five Acceptance with no more grief.

A note for any grief counselors or experts: this isn’t for you. I know you know the limitations and proper application of the Kübler-Ross model. I’m speaking to the uninitiated who don’t have your experience with grief.

[Video Description] Hands from an unseen person (Kami, the video narrator) dump a large croton houseplant out of a pot onto a table. There is dirt all over the plastic orange checkered table cloth. The hands remove the old soil and then repot the plant with new soil.

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Saint George, UT
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