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Wednesday 9am - 8pm Thursday 10am - 8pm

Mindy Fox, LMFT, 3424 W Carson Street suite 580, Torrance, CA (2025)

09/06/2025

What is gaslighting? Are you being gaslit? Gaslighting is most common in romantic relationships, but it can happen in any kind of relationship where there is a power imbalance. A power imbalance can exist between boss and employee, teacher and student, parent and child, and between husband and wife.

You might feel dependent on the other person, and that you need them more than they need you. Then they can try to use your need and attachment to them to manipulate you. You don’t want to lose them, so you defer to them too much, and wind up doubting yourself and your reality. It can happen with a boss, teacher, friend, sibling, or parent, or anywhere there is an unequal power dynamic. Especially when you give that person your respect and look up to them.

Gaslighting causes you to trust the perpetrator while doubting your own sanity. What is gaslighting? It is a malicious form of emotional abuse based on the perpetrator’s need for power and control.

At first it starts in a very subtle way. The perpetrator might tell you that you’re a bad parent or bad with money, and you laugh it off. But, the continuous invalidating of how you feel or who you are has the effect of making you doubt yourself. But, in reality, what you are feeling or experiencing is real.

For example, if you confront them for staying out late or not spending time with the kids, they will turn it around on you, telling you that you are not appreciating their hard work at the office. Or you aren’t creating a home environment that they want to come home to, or that you are monopolizing the kids.

The perpetrator is using shame to undermine your confidence. To make matters worse, the perpetrator will claim that a friend or relative agrees with them. This is often a lie, and is used to isolate you and gain control. It is a way for them to feel ‘in charge’ and deflect responsibility.

They might even tell you that everyone else who disagreed with the gaslighter (your family, friends, the media) is a liar, which makes you question your reality. You’ve never known this person to lie, right? Well, it’s a manipulation technique. It makes you turn more to the gaslighter for the “correct” information – which isn’t correct information at all. It just increases your dependence on the perpetrator, isolating you more....
Read more on my website:
https://mindyfoxtherapy.com/what-is-gaslighting-and-how-to-identify-it/

09/06/2025

Neurofeedback calms intense emotions, including the sadness and anger, which you might experience day to day. Being able to calm intense emotions is called emotional regulation.

When you can regulate your emotions, instead of impulsively doing or saying something that you will later regret, you are able to make better, more well thought out, choices. This builds self confidence.

Regulating emotions helps you better manage your relationships in a way that is socially acceptable and flexible, especially in challenging situations. This improves your connections to people and improves well-being, work performance and physical health.

Neurofeedback Calms Intense Emotions
Neurofeedback training helps you develop emotional resilience. It helps you quickly find a calm and balanced state after getting upset. You can cope with stress, anxiety and strong emotions in a much more calm way. This improves well-being and boosts self-esteem.

Instead of being in an intense emotional state, neurofeedback helps you return to a calmer place. Emotions such as sadness, anger, and anxiety may feel unmanageable, but with neurofeedback you find it easier to handle the emotional ups and downs of life.
What is Neurofeedback Therapy?

All Neurofeedback sessions happen in my office. When we meet, I use a water soluble paste to apply four electrodes to your scalp which feed brainwave activity into my computer. This is how I “listen” to your brain and see what activity is going on that corresponds to how you’re feeling....
Read more on my website:
https://mindyfoxtherapy.com/how-neurofeedback-calms-intense-emotions/

08/25/2025

EMDR rewires your brain from traumatic events that throw you off. It helps you feel more like yourself, again. EMDR works by tapping into your brain’s neuroplasticity, which means creating new, more functional neural connections.

Trauma can throw you off course and make it difficult for the natural healing process to take place. It can leave you stuck in stress, anxiety, depression and even anger. Trauma can be caused by repeated, smaller incidents or one major event.

What Is EMDR Therapy?

EMDR, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, is a structured process that helps you desensitize to and reprocess traumatic memories. Trauma memories seem to never let up. No matter how many times these memories come up in your mind, you still have the same intense emotional and physical responses. As an EMDR therapist, I can help you reprocess traumatic memories. This reduces their emotional impact, freeing you from the fear, pain and anger that is the legacy of trauma.

With EMDR, you are able to process trauma so it does not continually trigger the same emotional and physical responses. This helps you more forward and thrive in your life.

EMDR Rewires Your Brain For Healing

Trauma makes you feel like you’re trapped in an endless negative loop of physical sensations, thoughts and feelings. This is called being triggered. EMDR helps your brain journey back to feeling more balance and well being.

If you’re feeling stuck, EMDR can can help you reclaim your mental health and move on from your past. EMDR harnesses the neuroplasticity of your brain to help you heal.
Read more on my website:
https://mindyfoxtherapy.com/how-emdr-rewires-your-brain-so-you-can-thrive/

08/20/2025

Since you live with him day in and day out, it’s normal for your husband’s mood to have an affect on you. Try to find the root of the problem and offer your support.

If your husband’s mood is an every once in a while occurrence, then you may just have to give him his space. Check in every so often to let him know you’re thinking about him. Be available to talk if he needs it.

But, if your husband’s mood is more chronically cranky, with too many bad days, this could mean something deeper is going on. You might need the help of a therapist to unravel the causes and find solutions.
Why Is My Husband So Moody?

Your husband’s mood might be due to anger issues. This can be challenging to live with. Sometimes it can even be scary. It’s important to address what is behind the anger. Therapy can help him explore the root of his anger and learn to express feelings in a healthier way.

If you are walking on eggshells, worrying about when the next time he will blow up, therapy can help you learn how to react and deal with your husband’s mood. You might be dealing with a more serious mental health problem such as depression or narcissism.

Stress and frustration over health, work, finances or your kids can create discontent. Sometimes men keep their feelings to themselves. Rather than be direct, how they feel comes out as your husband’s mood. They are taught that anger is acceptable, but sadness, depression, fear and anxiety are a sign of weakness.

Read more on my website:
https://mindyfoxtherapy.com/why-does-my-husbands-mood-affect-me-so-much/

08/20/2025

If you are worried your husband is a covert narcissist, you are not alone. It’s important to understand the different traits you, and many other warm-hearted, empathetic people are dealing with. That way, you can stop blaming yourself.

Covert narcissism is also called vulnerable narcissism. A vulnerable narcissist will come off as shy and modest. They are self-absorbed, need constant reassurance, and chronically feel victimized. There isn’t anything you can do to change this or please them, even though you have probably tried and tried.

Overt narcissists are outgoing and the life of the party. However, a covert narcissist operates under the radar. You might even find yourself feeling sorry for them. They enjoy the attention they get from people feeling empathetic and sorry for them.

They do not want to ask for what they want in a direct, straight forward way. This leaves you guessing as to what they are upset or angry about. They want you to read their mind.

Not being direct is very cowardly behavior, since they are always hiding their true intentions. They lack the courage to be direct and honest. This is manipulative, passive aggressive and extremely frustrating.

Examples include refusing to speak to you because you didn’t do what they wanted, using one-word answers instead of telling you what’s really bothering them, lack of affection, stonewalling and sulking. These neglectful behaviors aim to hurt you or your importance and create insecurity. It erodes your self confidence.

Read more on my Website:
https://mindyfoxtherapy.com/six-traits-to-consider-if-youre-worried-your-husband-is-a-covert-narcissist/

07/22/2025

When you’re in love with a narcissist, you can be cast into the scapegoat role. As the scapegoat, you are blamed for your partner’s own mistakes and frustrations. Narcissists need to cast those closest to them into specific roles that fulfill their own selfish needs. A role is not who you innately are, it is who the narcissist needs you to be.

If you feel like no matter what you do, you’re always the one who gets blamed for what goes wrong, you are in the scapegoat role. You don’t know what hit you, since one minute, things are fine, and the next, it’s somehow your fault that something didn’t go as planned.

The scapegoat becomes the bearer of responsibility for a narcissist’s behavior or problems. In a narcissistic family system, it is common for one person to be scapegoated, creating lifelong trauma for the scapegoat.

This person is often the one closest to the narcissist like their partner, or one of their children. Scapegoats are traumatized and lose trust in others, develop low self-esteem and experience toxic shame.

Narcissists Need A Scapegoat

Narcissists have a lot of negative emotions that they cannot deal with. They are unable to self-regulate these difficult emotions, so they project them onto and berate the scapegoat. In other words, emotions that they don’t want are put onto another person, usually the scapegoat.

Read more on my website:
https://mindyfoxtherapy.com/what-is-the-scapegoat-role-when-youre-in-love-with-a-narcissist-what-it-means-for-your-future/

07/12/2025

Relationships can cause PTSD Post Traumatic Stress. Emotional abuse in the form of verbal attacks, including gas lighting and blame shifting, over a period of time can cause PTSD from relationship.

What can be done to heal when you are aware that you have a traumatic background and you see that it’s affecting your relationship? Even seemingly ordinary interactions in relationships can trigger, or remind you, of an old trauma, and cause you to be re-traumatized. You may have begun to notice that you don’t make good choices for who to get involved with, and/or you avoid relationships all together.

The first and probably most obvious criteria for developing PTSD is witnessing or experiencing directly threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, emotional abuse, or actual or threatened sexual violence. Domestic violence can lead directly to PTSD from abusive relationship.

PTSD occurs when you are exposed to a serious threat, such as verbal or physical attack, and your nervous system becomes hyper-aroused and then overwhelmed. If you cannot fight back or get away, that intense energy becomes stuck in your nervous system. This can result in symptoms such a fear, panic attacks, sleeplessness, shame, and feeling stressed out.

You are trying to figure out why you feel so intensely, so you often look to your partner as the reason. ‘If only I had a partner who would understand me, I wouldn’t feel so alone’ or ‘If only he/she would pay more attention to me, I wouldn’t get so angry’. Whatever the complaint, you think that the only thing affecting you is the person right in front of you. When your partner triggers trauma, what can you do?

The situation may actually be reminding you of some unresolved trauma from your past. This is how relationships can cause PTSD. The brain collects many memories that contain details of abusive experiences. These experiences trigger feelings that include horror, terror, and pain and are part of the memory.

Any slightly similar experience in our present will trigger the emotional memory of the abuse, and suddenly you are reliving the traumatic event. That is what it means to be re-traumatized and PTSD from abusive relationship.

Read more on my website:
https://mindyfoxtherapy.com/relationships-cause-ptsd-relationship-anxiety-emdr-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/

06/30/2025

When your Mom is a narcissist, you probably find yourself feeling guilty, emotionally drained, angry, unseen, unheard and confused after spending time with her. As an adult child who grows up with a narcissistic mother, you are not alone. When your mom is a narcissist, this can have a lasting effect on all your adult relationships.

In my Los Angeles therapy practice, I work closely with individuals navigating the aftermath of narcissistic abuse. If you are trying to understand and heal from the pain of having a narcissistic mom there is help and healing. If you’re struggling, know this: what you’re feeling is valid.

Let’s unpack what it means when your mom is a narcissist, how it can impact your emotional well-being, and, most importantly, what you can do about it.

When your Mom is a narcissist, she will use shame as a way to control her children. Kids will then internalize shame as a deep feeling of worthlessness which you carry with you into adulthood.

A narcissistic mother sees her kid as an extension of herself, not as a unique person with their own needs and desires. These moms need you to be perfect in order to maintain their own inflated view of themselves. This means that your mom will not accept any failures and despise mediocrity. They need you to meet their needs, and you are shamed for having any feelings or needs of your own.
Read More on my Website:
https://mindyfoxtherapy.com/when-your-mom-is-a-narcissist-how-to-cope-and-heal/

06/30/2025

When someone calls you an enabler, it means you unintentionally support destructive habits, behaviors or choices. Being called an enabler can be embarrassing, even humiliating, and scary too. When someone calls you an enabler, this can be hard to face.

Enablers are often very empathetic and caring, coming from a place of love and protection. You might not be aware that you are enabling the people you care about.

Enabling helps others avoid responsibility for their own actions. This results in preventing the person from dealing with the consequences of their behavior. This keeps people from growing, learning, developing and maturing. Instead, enabling makes it easier for others to continue unhealthy behavior and stay immature.

If you are an enabler, you tend to avoid conflict and are afraid to set boundaries. You might think that it will get worse if you don’t take care of another person. For example, giving them money if they are using drugs or alcohol and can’t hold a job. Or making excuses for someone’s bad behavior. This back fires and just rewards and perpetuates bad choices.

If you are being called an enabler, you might carry a lot of guilt, thinking that you must be responsible for others. This can lead to fawning behavior, anxiety and a pattern of avoiding conflict. This worsens the problem.

Enabling can be difficult to stop. Working with a therapist can offer the expertise and support you need to start to make changes. You might feel guilty for abandoning them when they need you the most. Perhaps you are even afraid that if you stop fixing things, they will be homeless or go to jail.

Read More on my Website:
https://mindyfoxtherapy.com/what-does-it-mean-when-someone-calls-you-an-enabler/

06/30/2025

Full or Part Time Office For Rent in Torrance 6 office suite with kitchen and large waiting room. 5th floor with PV views. Friendly suite-mates! Contact Mindy Fox, LMFT 310-314-6933 call or text.

06/17/2025

Love bombing is a type of manipulation where someone showers you with elaborate gifts, positive attention and praise way too soon in a relationship, before they even know you well enough. This is just an attempt to manipulate you into quickly falling in love with them and committing to a relationship before you really know each other.

To manipulate you, they go back and forth between showing affection and saying or doing cruel things. This is highly toxic and plays into your insecurities and fears about being worthless.

Withdrawing love is highly manipulative. You might react to this by trying to win back their affection. Instead of suppressing your own needs in order to take care of them, observe how they are acting. Stay aware of being manipulated by them and trust your intuition. Slow down and listen to yourself.

These over-the-top declarations of love might feel amazing at first, especially if you have been alone for awhile. It can be hard to find someone who wants the same level of commitment as you do, and love bombing can make you feel like you finally found someone wonderful.
Read more on my website:
https://mindyfoxtherapy.com/how-to-avoid-the-temptation-to-fall-for-love-bombing/

06/17/2025

When someone calls you a codependent, you might not fully understand what they mean. At first, it is natural to feel angry, ashamed or embarrassed at being told this. Later, you might start to get curious about codependency.

A codependent is someone who takes care of others at the expense of themselves. In a relationship, the codependent will consistently give much more that the other person. This creates an imbalance which can be so extreme that you stop pursuing your own interests, goals, friendships and family. You completely focus on meeting the other person’s needs, to the exclusion of your own needs and feelings.

The codependent typically has a poor concept of self and poor boundaries. As the ‘giver’ codependent, you need to be needed and even feel worthless unless you are needed. You can become overly concerned about what the other person is doing, thinking, and feeling.

You want to fix or rescue them from their problems because if you don’t, you’re afraid something bad will happen. As a result, there are no natural consequences for their behavior. You are over-functioning for their under-functioning. The other person is allowed to continue to be irresponsible, since there are no consequences for their actions.

Your relationship is consistently one-sided; one person is hardworking and responsible and the other is allowed to be irresponsible. You may enable and make excuses for the other person’s poor choices. When someone calls you a codependent, they may have their own experiences with the same things.
https://mindyfoxtherapy.com/what-does-it-mean-when-someone-calls-you-a-codependent/

Mindy Fox, LMFT

09/06/2025

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