Gary Malone Counseling, PLLC

11/21/2025

Here’s the truth most people don’t want to say out loud:

You can own what you did.
You can give a real apology.
You can mean every word down to your bones…

And it still might not fix things.

Not because you didn’t try.
Not because your apology “fell short.”
Not because you’re a screw-up.

It’s because repair takes two people showing up — not one person doing all the lifting.

1. You Can Step Up, But You Can’t Step For Them

You can admit you were wrong.
You can talk like a grown adult.
You can offer a straight-forward apology.

But if the other person isn’t ready to sit down and work through it, the process doesn’t move.

You can open the door.
They still have to walk through it.

That’s not failure. It’s reality.

2. Their Pause Isn’t Always About You

People often need time.

Time to cool off.
Time to let emotions settle.
Time to think before they talk.

If someone doesn’t respond right away, it doesn’t mean they’re punishing you or being dramatic. It might mean they’re trying not to make things worse by reacting too fast.

They might be hurt.
They might be overwhelmed.
They might not be ready to trust the moment just yet.

Give them room to breathe.

3. Your Responsibility Has Limits

Here’s where people mess up: they rush.

“Are we good now?”
“Can we talk again?”
“Do you forgive me?”

Pressure doesn’t create repair...it creates distance.

Your job is simple and strong:
- Admit the mistake.
- Say what needs to be said.
- Mean it.
- Then back it up with your actions.
- And let them come back when they are ready.

Respecting someone’s timing is part of respecting the relationship.

4. Their Readiness Isn’t Your Report Card

Don’t let guilt convince you that their silence is your failure.

It’s not.

You don’t control their heart, their timeline, or their readiness. You only control your character.

If you’ve apologized honestly, you’ve done your part.
If they’re not ready, that’s their part.

Stay steady.
Stay honest.
Stay consistent.

That’s all anyone can reasonably do.

5. Repair Happens When Both People Decide to Build Again

Real repair isn’t about fancy words. It’s not about “winning” the argument or smoothing things over fast. It’s about two people choosing to step toward each other again instead of away.

One person owns the mistake.
The other person chooses to engage.
Then, piece by piece, trust gets rebuilt.

Not instantly.
Not perfectly.
But stronger.

If you apologized straight, honest, and without excuses, you’ve done your job.

After that?

Repair is a two-person project.

And no one, no matter how good their intentions, can do both halves.

11/18/2025

Emotional leadership is not reactive.
It’s responsive.

Not defensive.
Curious.

Not trying to win.
Trying to understand.

For example...

Instead of: “I don’t know why you’re making this such a big deal.”
Say: “Something in this is hitting deep for you. I want to understand. Talk to me.”

Call now to connect with business.

11/17/2025

This is what I’m passionate about.

I don’t sit with guys to make them more emotional, more sensitive, or more agreeable. I sit with them because I believe men want to lead, but most were never given the skills to lead emotionally.

That’s the work I love most: coaching men into becoming emotional leaders who are steady, grounded, capable, and respected.

Not just in their marriages, but in their lives.

Men are taught how to:
- Work
- Provide
- Push through
- Hold it all together

But not how to:
- Regulate emotions
- Stay present in conflict
- Lead with steadiness
- Make their partner feel emotionally safe

And that gap? That’s where everything starts to break down.

You’re strong everywhere but emotionally. And it’s costing you...respect, intimacy, peace.

You might be disciplined.
You might be successful.
You might be tough as hell on the outside.

But at home, when things get emotional, you freeze, shut down, or blow up.

You hate how fast it gets off track.
You hate how misunderstood you feel.
You hate feeling like you’re failing when you’re trying your best.

But here’s the truth, you were never given the tools.

Not for emotional leadership.
Not for marriage.
Not for relational strength.

That’s what I do and it’s the work I care about most.

Not softening men.
Not taming them.
Not guilt-tripping them.

Strengthening them.
Steadying them.
Equipping them to lead from the inside-out.

The tools exist. The road is real.
And when a man gains emotional strength everybody around him feels it.

Now's the time to reach out.

11/13/2025

Walmart or Starbucks employee?

You may not know this… but you get up to 20 free counseling or relationship-coaching sessions through your Lyra benefits.
No cost. No deductible. No catch.

If you (or someone you know) works at Walmart or Starbucks, spread this post.

And yes...that includes working on:
• communication & emotional connection
• healing after betrayal
• stress, anxiety, burnout
• parenting + co-parenting
• dating & relationship patterns
• men’s emotional leadership
• marriage work that actually feels productive

Most employees have no idea this benefit even exists. I’m a Lyra provider and can get you scheduled within the next week.

Share this so someone gets the help they didn’t know they had access to.

11/11/2025

There’s an underrated relationship skill nobody talks about enough: fighting about the right thing.

Most couples don’t actually argue about what they think they’re arguing about. It’s rarely the dishes. Or money. Or who’s “doing more.” Those are just the symptoms.

The real fight is usually about something deeper...respect, value, priority. One person feels unseen, the other feels unappreciated, and both start keeping score like emotional accountants.

Suddenly the dishwasher isn’t just about plates, it’s about feeling like you’re doing life alone while your partner scrolls Instagram.

When we don’t name the real issue, we end up fighting the same battle over and over.
Different day, different dishes, same ache underneath. And here’s the kicker: you can “win” the argument and still lose the connection.

So next time things start to heat up, pause and ask yourself:
What am I really fighting for right now? To be right or to be understood?

Healthy couples don’t avoid conflict, they just get better at locating the truth underneath it. They fight with intention.

They fight for the relationship, not just in it.

Because if you keep fighting about the surface stuff, you’ll never clean up what’s actually rotting underneath.

The goal isn’t to end all conflict, it’s to get curious about it.

Curiosity keeps conversations open. It softens the ego. It reminds you that your partner isn’t the enemy; they’re your teammate trying to solve a mystery with you.

So when you’re tempted to assume or defend, take a breath.
Lean in.
Ask questions.
Listen for the truth beneath the noise.

Stay curious.

11/04/2025

Most men don’t mean to disconnect, they just speak a different language. You show love by showing up, working hard, providing. But she feels loved when she feels understood. When she says she needs “connection,” she’s not asking for deep talks every night, she’s asking to feel like you actually see her. The irony? When her heart feels safe, her body naturally follows.

11/04/2025

Your marriage isn’t bad.
It’s just bleh.

And maybe that feels “fine.”
But fine is where marriages go to die quietly.

Bleh marriages are born from a thousand small avoidances.

Avoiding hard talks. Avoiding truth. Avoiding eye contact when something feels off because it’s easier to check your phone than check in with your spouse.

You didn’t lose love, you stopped feeding it.

You started managing each other instead of knowing each other.
You started performing safety instead of creating intimacy.
You started trading depth for peace.

Here’s what’s really going on: your nervous system learned long ago that closeness equals risk. So now, when things get tense, you either:

- Chase: talk more, fix, analyze, beg for reassurance, or
- Withdraw: shut down, distract, act “unbothered.”

And if you both avoid conflict long enough, you’ll build a fortress called “we’re doing fine.” But “fine” is just fear dressed in neutral tones.

It’s a dead battery with matching bath towels.

The truth is, comfort doesn’t create closeness, it creates emotional sedation.
You can’t build passion without risk. You can’t build depth without discomfort.
And you can’t stay in love while constantly trying to stay safe.

Say what you actually feel.

Not what keeps the peace. Not what you think they want to hear. Real words from the real you.

You stopped asking questions because you think you already know them. You don’t. You only know the version of them you stopped exploring years ago.

Do something uncomfortable together. Novelty rewires connection. Go do something that shakes you out of your pattern, something that makes you remember you’re still alive.

Stop trying to be “good.” Good spouses get stuck. Real ones grow. Sometimes growth means disappointing the version of your partner who only loved your compliance.

Bleh is safe. It’s predictable. It’s emotionally low-risk.
But it’s also how you slowly lose each other without ever breaking up.

So if your marriage feels lifeless, don’t wait for disaster to wake you up.
Be the disruption. Start the real conversation.

Because comfort won’t save your marriage. Courage will.

10/31/2025

Guys will play a bad round of golf and replay every swing trying to figure out what went wrong.

We’ll sit in a deer stand all morning, see nothing, and still spend the drive home talking through what we could’ve done different.

We’ll tweak a fishing lure, study game film, rebuild a carburetor, or rework a fantasy football roster...all to improve for next time.

But when it comes to marriage?
Most of us just want the argument to be over so we can move on.

Here’s the thing: marriage works a lot like all that other stuff.
If you want to get better, you’ve got to learn from the misses.

A fight doesn’t mean your marriage is failing.
It means something under the surface needs attention.
And if you slow down long enough to look at it, you can actually get better because of it.

So instead of wasting a good fight, try this:

- Replay the tape. After things cool down, ask yourself, “Where did I lose my cool? Where did I stop listening?”

- Own your part. You don’t have to take all the blame...just the part that’s yours.

- Ask, don’t assume. Instead of saying, “You’re overreacting,” try, “Help me understand what that felt like for you.”

- End with repair. A simple, “Hey, I don’t like how that went...can we do better next time?” goes further than silence.

The goal isn’t to never fight.
It’s to get a little better after each one...just like anything else that matters.

You don’t have to win it.
Just don’t waste it.

10/28/2025

A client said to me yesterday, “I just regret so much from that time in my life.”
And I found myself saying something I hadn’t planned:
“What a gift it is to regret. Because it means you’ve grown and healed enough to see that part of your life differently.”

Regret is one of those emotions we’re taught to avoid. We treat it like a failure, a sign that we’ve done something wrong or missed our chance. But regret often shows up after growth. It’s what happens when our present self looks back at a moment through a wiser, softer, more healed lens.

The person who made that choice back then didn’t have the same awareness, courage, or tools you have now. The regret isn’t proof that you’re broken, it’s proof that you’ve changed.

When you feel regret, you’re witnessing your own evolution. You’re noticing the gap between who you were and who you’ve become. And instead of using it to shame yourself, you can use it to honor the journey.

So if you find yourself saying, “I wish I’d known better,” maybe pause and recognize...you do now.
That’s the gift.

10/28/2025

A client said to me yesterday, “I just regret so much from that time in my life.”

And I found myself saying something I hadn’t planned:
“What a gift it is to regret. Because it means you’ve grown and healed enough to see that part of your life differently.”

Regret is one of those emotions we’re taught to avoid. We treat it like a failure, a sign that we’ve done something wrong or missed our chance. But regret often shows up after growth. It’s what happens when our present self looks back at a moment through a wiser, softer, more healed lens.

The person who made that choice back then didn’t have the same awareness, courage, or tools you have now. The regret isn’t proof that you’re broken, it’s proof that you’ve changed.

When you feel regret, you’re witnessing your own evolution. You’re noticing the gap between who you were and who you’ve become. And instead of using it to shame yourself, you can use it to honor the journey.

So if you find yourself saying, “I wish I’d known better,” maybe pause and recognize...you do now.

That’s the gift. 🫧

10/27/2025

Curiosity isn’t a soft skill...it’s a survival skill for connection.

When couples stop trying to win arguments and start trying to understand each other, everything changes. The same truth applies far beyond relationships: the world isn’t falling apart because people disagree, it’s falling apart because we’ve forgotten how to stay curious while we do.

Psychologists have long known that when people feel attacked, they stop listening. People protect their sense of identity before they protect the truth. Being wrong feels unsafe. In relationships, that means “you’re misunderstanding me” rarely invites openness...it usually shuts it down.

So what actually opens the door again? According to Stanford University research, summarized by science writer David Robson in his book, 'The Laws of Connection', one simple question changes everything:

“I was interested in what you’re saying. Can you tell me more about how come you think that?”

It sends a message of safety and respect, shifting the conversation from winning to understanding...because based on brain science, curiosity disarms defensiveness.

It’s not about giving up your viewpoint. it’s about giving the other person enough safety to share theirs.

The next time a conversation with your spouse starts to turn tense, pause. Take a breath. Then ask:

“Can you tell me more about how come you think that?”

You may not change their mind, but you might just change the moment. And that’s where real connection begins.

10/23/2025

This isn’t a post about judging what’s right or wrong in anyone’s marriage.

It’s about understanding why something that feels harmless to one partner can feel threatening to another and how that difference is almost always rooted in attachment needs, not insecurity or control.

I overheard a conversation recently where a husband seemed like he genuinely couldn’t understand why his wife didn’t want him going to strip clubs.

To him, it wasn’t personal.
To her, it was.

That disconnect is where many couples get stuck, not because of jealousy or control, but because of what emotional safety means in a relationship.

Every relationship operates on an invisible emotional contract. We may not say it out loud, but it sounds like this:

“Can I count on you to protect what we’re building together?”

When one partner feels emotionally unsafe - like their needs for trust, exclusivity, or respect are minimized - it doesn’t just hurt their feelings. It shakes the foundation their nervous system rests on. Attachment science tells us that security isn’t about being “clingy” or “controlling”; it’s about consistency, emotional availability, and protection of the bond.

So when someone says, “I’d rather you not go there,” they’re not trying to manage your fun, they’re naming a boundary that helps them feel safe.

Respect in relationships is often tested at the intersection of freedom and impact.

Sure, you can go anywhere you want. But in a secure partnership, the question becomes:

“If I know something makes my partner feel unsafe, why is it so important that I still do it?”

Sometimes, people mistake independence for emotional maturity. But true maturity is being able to hold both: your individuality and your partner’s vulnerability.

(Disclaimer: I realize it’s also true that not all couples share this sensitivity. Some genuinely don’t feel threatened by it and that can work for them.)

It’s less about what’s right or wrong and more about what’s reassuring or destabilizing for your unique relationship.

At its core, this isn’t a debate about strip clubs. It’s a conversation about emotional protection. It’s about whether we see our partner’s need for safety as an inconvenience or as an invitation to love them better.

Because meaningful relationships aren’t built on shared interests; they’re built on shared security.