NAMI DVC

09/24/2023

Our Su***de Prevention Month🥰

12/14/2021

Always feel that others have a bad impression of yourself？
—— Psychologist has something to say

Have you ever experienced such a moment:

You saw a friend on campus who used to participate in activities together, dressed in fashionable, you really want to communicate with him, when you just opened your mouth, you can’t help but think: “Will he be uninterested in what I say? Do he think my taste is too low?"

According to a study published in 《Psychological Science》, this situation is relatively common. After meeting and talking to new friends, we always worry that the other person doesn't like us that much. This situation is actually part of the metacognition that psychologists talk about. Metacognition includes what others think of us as you think. In other words, it is how others think of us in my eyes. Do others think we are funny or boring, selfish, or altruistic?

According to the research of psychologists on metacognition, you can relieve: others see you better than you think.

You are in the eyes of others better than you think

"Although estimating whether the other person likes us is an important part of interacting with people, and we have practiced this many times, research has found that it is difficult to accurately estimate how much the other person likes us in a conversation." Postdoctoral fellows from Cornell University and Harvard University said this in their research.

There is a concept of liking gap in psychology, which refers to the deviation between what we think of others’ impressions of us and their real impressions.

Four professors at the University of Exes discovered this gap. In one experiment, the researchers paired participants in pairs. They need to have a 5-minute dialogue and ask some ice-breaking questions, such as "Where do you come from" and "What are your hobbies". After the conversation, the researcher will ask the participants some questions, including how much they like each other and how much they think others like themselves.

You may be used to thinking that you like the other, but the other person doesn't like your that much. In fact, the other person will also think the same way. Therefore, everyone think others doesn’t like them. It can be seen from this that people are always inclined to think, "they don’t like me", which is liking gap. The researchers recorded videos of the conversations between the participants. Analysis of these videos found that participants tend to ignore the signals of interest and enjoyment that the other people showed.

Interestingly, the results of the study are exactly opposite to the concept of optimism bias proposed earlier. Our optimism bias is manifested in overestimating our actual intelligence and skill level, while underestimating our possibility of encountering negative events, such as getting sick. We always feel that although I am not the best, I should still be a little better than average; but more than half of people have this idea, which is optimism deviation.

" 'Liking gap' is not the same as 'optimistic bias'. When it comes to social interaction and communication, people are always not sure whether they have left a good impression on the other people, they will be particularly picky about their performance. "The researcher said so. "People will be more optimistic in other areas, and pessimistic about social interaction, which is surprising."

Why do people underestimate themselves?

In another study, it was found that when asked which moments in the conversation were impressed by the participants, most people thought of some negative moments. For example, the other people mentioned the new song of Taylor Swift, but we don’t know it, and they would worry that it may leave a bad impression at any moment.

"They are too worried that they will leave a bad impression on the other people in the conversation, so they are concerned about their bad behavior." One researcher said.

Researchers speculate that the reason for this phenomenon is self-evaluation. There is a saying, "A good girl in front of people is a little devil in the back". When other people are present, for example, during an exam, the teacher walks over and looks at our test paper. We will start to be alert. Did we do something wrong? Similarly, in interpersonal communication, we will also try to see ourselves and evaluate ourselves with the eyes of others, and if we are alone, we can "free ourselves" without caring what other people think of us.

From another perspective, this pessimism may be a kind of self-protection. Before we know whether the other person likes us, we assume that the other person does not like us. In this way, you can avoid being hurt from social activities, such as struggling to pursue someone who doesn't like you, which will do great harm to your soul.

Underestimating ourselves can hinder our communication with other people. "When we move into a new area, establish a new friendship, or want to leave a good impression on our classmates, we need to understand what the other person thinks of us. Any systematic mistakes will cause serious damage to our personal lives. For example, in the face of a classmate whom I have a crush on for a long time, I look for opportunities to exercise with her, but I always feel that she has no good feelings about me, so we don’t have contact after graduation, maybe she is waiting for you to take the initiative.

So, when you meet a new friend, ask more about their impressions on you, and give them more feedback, and say "It’s a nice meeting with you," and the other person may be very happy.

Citation: https://scienceblog.com/503247/you-probably-made-a-better-impression-than-you-think/

After we have conversations with new people, our conversation partners like us and enjoy our company more than we think, according to findings published

12/14/2021

"I'm all for your own good," | What is the worth of blind sacrifice?

By 胡惠南

These words are taken from Jasmine's mother's words in the educational theme TV series "Your Child Is Not Your Child." Jasmine's mother has made many sacrifices for the development of her two children, including foregoing the opportunity to further her education and take up teaching positions, acting as a housewife, and keeping busy for a day. In reality, such parents abound; they will save money to purchase a school district home, quit to accompany their children to middle school, wake up early to cook healthy meals for their children... This type of thing happens all the time in real life, and it's referred to as "parenting sacrifice" by academics.

What is “parenting sacrifice”?

How can parents display their love for their children in a parent-child relationship? In Western families, parents frequently hug and praise their children to convey warmth; in East Asian families, particularly in Chinese families, parents carefully consider their children's needs and do their best to meet them, devoting themselves to their children, even sacrificing what is valuable to them in order to raise them (Wu & Chao, 2011; Lin Xiuyun et al., 2021). Parenting sacrifice, one of the main qualities of the Chinese idea of family, has been externalized into a frequent parenting phenomena in modern culture, especially referring to parents foregoing their own needs in order to satisfy their children's developmental requirements (Leung & Shek, 2011).

According to researchers, parental sacrifice entails the following three processes:

(1) Family resources, such as time, money, and energy, are required for the development of children; (2) Family resources are limited, and when they are scarce, parents must allocate them according to the needs of various aspects of the family; (3) Parents must willingly allocate family resources at the expense of their own needs and interests for the development of their children (Leung, 2020).

In today's culture, the predominance of accompanying reading is simply a kind of parental sacrifice: children need to be looked after when they go to school, but parents have limited energy and time, so parents sacrifice their professional growth to follow their children. Parental input also refers to parents contributing resources for their children's growth, however parenting input stresses "the child's acquisition in the process of parenting," while parenting sacrifice emphasizes "parental sacrifice in the process of parenting" (Leung & Shek, 2020).

Various scholars have offered different perspectives on composition: Working hard to earn money, spending time for children's education, adjusting daily affairs, sacrificing lifestyles and ideals, and concealing worries are five dimensions of parenting sacrifice, according to Leung and Shek (2011); Lin Xiuyun et al. (2021) believe that parenting sacrifice includes sacrificing personal freedom, sacrificing financial resources, and striving for additional resources, and proposes that parents' objective sacrifice behavior shou The degree of parental sacrifice is determined by combining the subjective willingness to sacrifice and the degree of subjective sacrifice. Parenting sacrifice, in general, is not just a parenting action, but also a parenting idea and attitude that involves parents sacrificing in many areas, including monetary, energy, and soul.

The Reason for the Rise of Parenting Sacrifice – The Perspective of Cultural Psychology

The socio-cultural environment interacts dynamically with the family environment, and culture plays a significant influence in the establishment of parenting techniques and attitudes. The predominance of parental sacrifice in Chinese society is intimately linked to traditional Chinese culture's family emphasis. Chinese familialism emphasizes collectivism and interdependence, advocating that an individual's interests and goals should serve the glory of the entire family, placing the family's interests above the individual's interests, emphasizing the responsibility of parents to the next generation, and even if it means sacrificing their own interests and needs, parents have the obligation to cultivate the next generation into talents in order to continue the honor of the family (Leung et al., 2016; Chen Yanyun, Liu Linping, 1998).

Can parenting sacrifice really be good for children?

Family resources (capital) affect the development of children and adolescents, according to the family capital theory (Gofen, 2009) and the family investment model (Conger & Donnellan, 2007), and by investing more and higher quality family resources in children, children can develop in a more positive direction. Physical resources (such as a healthy family environment) and parental involvement are two types of resources (Leung & Shek, 2011). In theory, parental sacrifices can provide children with more family resources, thereby promoting children's development: in terms of physical resources, parents sacrifice their own needs to allocate material resources to the growth of children, such as spending effort to prepare nutritious food for children, saving money and saving money to purchase learning materials for children, and so on; in terms of parenting participation, parenting sacrifice means that parents sacrifice their own needs to allocate material resources to the growth of children, such as spending effort to prepare nutritious food for children, saving money and saving money to This has also been supported by quantitative empirical investigations. A two-year research of 1569 teenagers found that parental sacrifice may help youngsters feel less gloomy by encouraging the development of filial piety (Leung, 2020). Parental sacrifice has a unique positive effect in the context of China's "filial piety culture," allowing children to perceive their parents' support, stimulate their gratitude, and develop the motivation to surpass themselves and repay their parents in the future, giving them the strength to face the future.

Is this, however, the case? Is it true that sacrificing as a parent benefits children? Knowing that "Will children appreciate sacrifice parents?" is a big issue, many of the responses were unexpectedly "no." What's the deal with the disparity between theoretical models, quantitative research, and real-world examples? The reasoning are based on the four key features listed below.

1. Parenting styles varies, as do children's perceptions of parental sacrifice.

Academics believe that parenting sacrifice is a parenting style and attitude, and that the measurement of parenting sacrifice is also based on the measurement of "parents sacrifice their own interests for the parenting of children," and that in everyday life, children face sacrificial parents who will not only sacrifice personal needs for children, but also demonstrate this sacrifice to children, making children feel that their parents' sacrifices are more to be able to control themselves.

2. There are disparities in how parents and children perceive parental sacrifice.

According to studies, parents report much more parental sacrifices than children do (Leung & Shek, 2016). Parents often give their children with family resources that encourage their growth at the price of their own interests, but children do not always view this as a parental sacrifice.

3. The necessity to encourage children's growth in the parents' minds is not the same as the child's real requirements.

In the film and television drama "Little Joy," Qiao Yingzi's line "But have you thought about what I really want in my heart" reflects this phenomenon: parents set development goals for their children based on their own understanding, and on this basis, they sacrifice their own interests to compensate for the children's "missing resources," but this is not always what the child requires. On the one hand, the resources that the youngster really need are not provided in this process. However, it will harm the child's essential requirements (relationships, capacities, and autonomy) and have a detrimental influence on his or her development (Nigra Ahmadijiang et al., 2015) Specifically, parental expectations are at odds with the child's expectations, resulting in parent-child conflict and harming the child's relationship needs; also, not being allowed to chose resources to encourage self-development harms the child's ability and autonomy requirements.

4. Parental sacrifice causes bad feelings in both parents and children, and it is not good for their growth.

Individual development needs of parents cannot be met at the expense of their children, leading to bad moods and even depression (Nigella Ahobatijiang, et al., 2015), and previous studies have confirmed that parents' depressive experiences can predict their children's problem behavior (Wang Lingfeng, Cai Zhenchun, 2012).

On the one hand, correctional sacrifice may give children with the resources they need for growth, but on the other hand, correctional sacrifice can have a detrimental influence on children's development.

Out of the predicament - parent-child coordinated development

Intergenerational cultural differences in parent-child relationships (ideal parent-child relationships and perceived parent-child relationships) are linked to stronger internalization problems among immigrant adolescents, according to a study of immigrant families. However, adolescents' low perceptions of parental devotion (sacrifice) buffer this link, while high-level parenting sacrifice perceptions do not (Wu & Chao, 2011). It is clear that not all greater degrees of parental sacrifice will improve children's beneficial development, and only fair parenting sacrifices will do so. so? How can we accomplish this while still making the appropriate and modest parenting sacrifices?

1. Avoid the transition from parental sacrifice to parental control.

Many sacrificing parents often remark to their children, "If it weren't for you, how could I have been...", ranging from "for the benefit of the child" to "use their own good to control and abduct the child," while also "controlling" the child's development by establishing objectives for the child. However, in this manner, it has strayed from its initial purpose, growing from "parenting sacrifice" to a kind of "psychological control," which may activate the child's rebellious mentality and is detrimental to the child's growth.

2. Establish a positive parent-child connection in order to really address children's needs.

In terms of family resource allocation, parents and children may have different considerations, such as parents wanting to invest money in their children's daily necessities, but children wanting to develop their own hobbies. This difference will cause tension in parent-child relationships, increase the gap between children and parents in how they perceive parenting sacrifices, and also fail to meet children's needs, negatively impacting their development. As a result, providing appropriate feedback based on the requirements of children is the right parenting sacrifice to make in order to really satisfy children's developmental needs and encourage their healthy growth.

3. Focus on your own personal growth in order to foster a positive family environment.

People have developmental needs, and meeting fundamental psychological needs is linked to increased subjective happiness, life satisfaction, and more positive emotions, whereas psychological needs are neglected and negative emotions are elevated (Bai Chengzhi et al., 2020). As a result, parents should concentrate on themselves, recognize their own developmental requirements, and maintain a positive psychological state as a result, in order to establish a harmonious family environment and grow in harmony with their children.

Credit:
[1] Conger, R. D., & Donnellan, M. B. (2007). An interactionist perspective on the socioeconomic context of human development. Annual Review of Psychology, 58, 175-199. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.58.110405.085551
[2] Gofen, A. (2009). Family Capital: how first-generation higher education students break the intergenerational cycle. Family Relations, 58(1), 104-120. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2008.00538.x
[3] Leung, J. T. Y. (2020). Perceived parental sacrifice, filial piety and hopelessness among Chinese adolescents: a cross-lagged panel study. Journal of Adolescence, 81, 39-51. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2020.04.005
[4] Leung, J. T. Y., & Shek, D. T. L. (2011). “All I can do for my child” – development of the Chinese Parental Sacrifice for Child’s Education Scale. International Journal on Disability and Human, 10(3), 201-208. https://doi.org/10.1515/ijdhd.2011.037
[5] Leung, J. T. Y., & Shek, D. T. L. (2016). Parent–child discrepancies in perceived parental sacrifice and achievement motivation of Chinese adolescents experiencing economic disadvantage. Child Indicators Research, 9(3), 683-700. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12187-015-9332-4
[6] Leung, J. T. Y., & Shek, D. T. L. (2020). Parental sacrifice, filial piety and adolescent life satisfaction in Chinese families experiencing economic disadvantage. Applied Research in Quality of Life, 15(1), 259-272. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11482-018-9678-0
[7] Leung, J. T. Y., Shek, D. T. L., & Ma, C. M. S. (2016). Measuring perceived parental sacrifice among adolescents in Hong Kong: confirmatory factor analyses of the Chinese Parental Sacrifice Scale. Child Indicators Research, 9(1), 173-192. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12187-015-9313-7
[8] Welsh, D. P., Galliher, R. V., & Powers, S. I. (1998). Divergent realities and perceived inequalities: adolescents', mothers', and observers' perceptions of family interactions and adolescent psychological functioning. Journal of Adolescent Research, 13(4), 377-402. https://doi.org/10.1177/0743554898134002
[9] Wu, C., & Chao, R. K. (2011). Intergenerational cultural dissonance in parent-adolescent relationships among Chinese and European Americans. Developmental psychology, 47(2), 493-508. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0021063
[10] 白诚智, 白宝玉, 李瑛, & 张红霞. (2020). 优势使用对护士主观幸福感的影响：基本心理需要满足的中介作用. 护理学杂志, 35(12), 71-74. http://doi.org/CNKI:SUN:HLXZ.0.2020-12-022
[11] 陈艳云, & 刘林平. (1998). 论家族主义对东南亚华人的影响. 中山大学学报(社会科学版)(05), 86-92. http://doi.org/CNKI:SUN:ZSDS.0.1998-05-010
[12] 蔺秀云, 殷锦绣, 江永强, 何婷, & 陆风勇. (2021). 中国家庭教养牺牲问卷的编制及信效度检验. 中国临床心理学杂志, 29(04), 692-696+782. https://doi.org/10.16128/j.cnki.1005-3611.2021.04.006
[13] 尼格拉·阿合买提江, 夏冰, 闫昱文, & 李董平. (2015). 父母控制对青少年抑郁的直接和间接效应. 中国临床心理学杂志, 23(03), 494-497+533. https://doi.org/10.16128/j.cnki.1005-3611.2015.03.025
[14] 王玲凤, & 蔡振春. (2012). 父母抑郁体验与儿童行为问题的关系. 中国学校卫生, 33(02), 177-178+181. https://doi.org/10.16835/j.cnki.1000-9817.2012.02.020

This article addresses the relationship between socioeconomic status (SES), family processes, and human development. The topic is framed as part of the general issue of health disparities, which involves the oft-observed positive relationship between SES and the cognitive, social, emotional, and phy...

10/25/2021

The results are shown in Table 1. Obviously, the colleague's concealment of successful information made the subjects feel more offended, lower interpersonal intimacy, more paternalistic motivation, less trust in colleagues, and less willing to cooperate with colleagues. In addition, paternalistic motivation plays a mediating role in concealing success and perceived offense (Indirect effec t = -1.23, SE = 0.25, 95% CI [-1.72, -0.74]).
From this research, we know that the psychology of both parties in the process of interpersonal communication is quite subtle. Although people’s motives for concealing success news from others are complex and do not rule out well-intentioned elements, the mentality of making decisions for others may require people to be vigilant; mutual trust is a prerequisite for good interpersonal communication. When you are successful, don't blindly think that others will be jealous and hide the news of success because of this. This will bring greater interpersonal costs.

Citation：[1]Roberts, A. R., Levine, E. E., & Sezer, O. (2021). Hiding success. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 120(5), 1261–1286. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi000032

10/25/2021

The results show that concealing success does make the target think that the communicator has a higher paternalistic motivation, and then the target has a more negative feeling (offensive, lower interpersonal intimacy); although the emotion feels less jealous, but They will also feel less happy; in the evaluation of impression management, they will think that the communicator is more humble, but the evaluation of their ability and warmth will be lower; in terms of behavior, they feel that they are not trusted, and the target is less willing to spend money to maintain the relationship with the communicator. In addition, the researchers also found that even under different conditions (answering direct questions vs. answering indirect questions; public vs. privacy; intimate relationships vs. alienated relationships), the above results caused by concealing success still exist.

For example, in Experiment 3, the researchers examined the reaction of academics to the information that a close colleague concealed the job offer under a hypothetical work situation. In the experiment, the subjects had learned the news of their colleagues' success in finding a job through the website, and were randomly assigned to the concealing success group and the sharing success group. In the concealing success group, the colleague did not tell the subject that he found a satisfactory teaching position; in the sharing success group, the colleague told the participant that he found a satisfactory teaching position. Subsequently, the researchers measured the participants’ perceived offense, the interpersonal intimacy with colleagues, the perceived strength of the colleagues’ paternalistic motivation, the sense of trust in the colleagues, and the intention to cooperate with the colleagues in the future.

10/25/2021

Price of hiding

However, concealing the news of success also brings a series of costs. For example, once people find that you are hiding something, they will feel that you are less worthy of love and trust, and at the same time they will feel less intimacy with you. On the contrary, there are additional benefits by sharing the news of success. For example, as mentioned earlier, this will make people feel that you are capable, and it also provides an opportunity for others to respond positively to good news, which can promote relationship intimacy and mutual trust. Concealing success naturally reduces such opportunities.

As a result, the researchers believe that the cost of concealing success is high, and it is mediated by the target’s opinion on the communicator’s motives.

For example, Alex did not inform his colleague Eric after he was promoted and raised his salary. Eric would infer that it was because Alex felt that he would be jealous of him. Eric felt that Alex made the decision on his behalf, which was a kind of “paternalistic motives", that is, the communicator makes decisions for the target based on what he thinks is the best assumption for the target, to achieve the purpose of helping the target. Although this kind of paternalistic motives may be well-intentioned, the target may feel offended because it reflects the communicator’s negative evaluation of the target’s personality and emotions (that is, Alex feels that Eric will be jealous, but not happy for his success).

Through 8 experiments, the researchers used a variety of experimental paradigms (hypothetical situations, real interpersonal interactions, etc.) under different interpersonal relationships (classmates, colleagues, couples, etc.) to test the different results of concealing success (interpersonal feelings, emotional feedback, impression management evaluation and behavior), as well as the mediating role of paternalistic motivation.

10/25/2021

Should I tell my friends about my promotion？

If you get a promotion at work and raise your salary, would you share the good news with your colleagues? Generally speaking, people need to leave a good impression on others in communication. Sharing successful news can show their abilities; but people also want to maintain a harmonious relationship with others, and sharing successful news may attract others. Jealousy has a negative impact on interpersonal communication.

This article introduces a document about the reaction and the psychological mechanism of the target when the communicator is sharing or concealing his own success news.

Trap in communication: sharing success
Achieving success is a joyful thing but sharing your success with others may lead to a communication "trap". For example, people who are both warm and capable in interpersonal relationships are more attractive. However, some studies have found that showing ability to others will lead to a decline in one's warmth, especially in the case of more prominent society, when individuals emphasize their own achievements, it will make people feel particularly threatened and bring jealousy.

In fact, people are aware of this "communication trap", so people often choose self-deprecating strategies to share their success news with others. Studies have found that people sometimes hide their higher status identities to maintain harmony in interpersonal relationships. When flattering yourself, they will also use the method of suppressing and then raising. In short, people worry that sharing success with others will be unpleasant, which makes it possible for people to avoid sharing success news by lying or hiding.

10/09/2021

😠No matter what I say，they always rebut me

When you say go to pizza today, he says someone got sick after eating pizza yesterday; When you posted a picture of your idol on Facebook, he replied that I was the only one who thought it was ugly; When you talk about someone's high achievements, he always says just so-so. When you say something, he always says the opposite, which always embarrasses you. Such a person is so-called “KY”.

What is KY?
KY is derived from Japanese and takes the first letter of "空気が読めない" (pronounced KuuKi ga Yomenai literally as 'does not read atmospheric air'). KY refers to someone who says something inappropriate and doesn't react appropriately to the atmosphere and the other person's face.

Why do we hate KY?
They don't physically attack us directly, but why do we still hate them? Part of the reason is that we all care about our own self-worth, that is, whether others think we are valuable. In secular societies, our judgment depends largely on whether others and society agree with us. When society's recognition of us is different from what we expect, it can lead to a bad mood. Not only do KYs make us feel that our views are refuted, but they also make us feel that our self-worth is low. So, we hate KYs.

Why would anyone become a KY?
KYs always rebut others, which is a habitual defense phenomenon in psychology. The reason why they will defend themselves habitually is that they interpret other people's questioning of our views as a denial of our own values. That is, when we feel that our point of view and dignity may be challenged, our first reaction is not to think about whether the other person's point of view is reasonable, but to feel that the person is offending me.

How do we avoid becoming KYs?
First, before rebutting, think carefully whether just to prove your existence or disagree with others ‘opinions. Generally, a rebuttal that is blurted out is usually for the purpose of rebutting, and sometimes it is very logically imprecise, which you can feel during the conversation.

Second, try to follow others ‘thinking and see if other people's opinions have factors that he considers. For example, someone posted a photo of his idol, most of the reason is because he likes it. At this time, if you comment that his idol is ugly, you may not really consider it from the perspective of others.

If you are not a member of the KY but are really troubled by the behavior of the KY, let me know in the comments below to roast them.