Resilience by Irene Kovacs-Donaghy, Ph.D, LPC, Atr-Bc

05/31/2023

How did your May go? I thought I would close Mental Health month on identity. Just spoke with someone on how the key to mental health is not allowing your diagnosis to be your identity…”I have depression”rather than “I’m depressed”. The former indicates its a part of who you are; the latter can indicate it’s all of who you are. Once you view it as your overall identity, learned helplessness creeps in; especially over a significant amount of time. This reinforces failure, poor self worth, and motivation stagnation that one tends to feel enough of with with mood and other disorders. You believe you can’t and won’t get better as well as no ability to get better.

The first step is accepting it as a diagnosis rather than a determination of stagnation. After that, working towards finding your unique path to progress is key. This path is non linear and has its detours, you can take breaks, but don’t give up. It’s not easy, it is possible. Please acknowledge your friends , families, coworkers etc. who may struggle with depression and other mental health disorders. Depression, anxiety, bipolar, neurodivergence, etc. are real disorders and conditions. Support, not judgement, is needed and can go a long way…best medicine any (non) physician can offer.

Wishing everyone well.

04/19/2023

STRENGTH 💪🏻
Well, I wish the latter of what is written on this card but the former is definitely the important message 🙂.
The perspective of “enjoying your battles” may sound counterintuitive but in actuality helps you to radically accept, cope and move forward.
When ”in battle” we can enjoy feeling our strength guide us and help us to battle through ; it’s empowering. Sometimes we may not be able to see it until after the battle.

04/09/2023

Wishing you a wonderful Sunday. EMDR based tip: listen to a meditation such as the one below with headphones on. Allow your self to feel the music head to toe. Intentionally breathe into any area of your body you feel tension, then exhale while saying in your mind or out loud “release”.

By Francesca Jolly

03/29/2023

This was a great start to my morning. Hopefully it will be for you as well. Embrace the day all!

By Kenneth Soares

02/09/2023

Not only persistence, but Resilience! Keep going, find your way to thrive and cope and keep going! Go birds! 🦅🏈❤️

11/21/2020

It has been some time since I have written on here. One could say that balancing my personal and work life with the extra layer of COVID/pandemic stress has been a challenge and kept me more than busy. One key skill that is helping me maintain resilience and sanity (at least most of the time), is radical acceptance.

Radical acceptance is not giving up or in; it's accepting things as they are, not as we want them to be, namely things out of our control. You do not have to like what is being accepted but accepting it allows for less of a stress response and therefore your thoughts, actions and emotions will follow suit.

Sure, such times of uncertainty and needing ongoing resilience practice evoke diverse emotions. so your next question may be, "What the hell do I do with these (ongoing) emotions?" Stay tuned, more on emotions to follow.

In the meantime, practice turning your mind to what you do have control of , can do in the moment to help you, no matter how small.

03/31/2020

03/11/2020

It can be difficult to cultivate calm and/or tap into our inner strengths during challenging times. Check out this brief meditation practice that can assist.

https://youtu.be/zuw3fiSG6mQ

This 5 minute meditation can help to increase feelings of inner strength and resiliency, which may be helpful at any time, but may be especially helpful duri...

02/09/2020

The comparison game gets us in trouble ; practice some self love this February and always. Consider these ideas

“Our envy of others devours us most of all.”

01/05/2020

And use your values as a guide; not what others value. Embrace you and refine your Self

12/13/2019

Great thing to be mindful of as there will be challenges, and positives, with upcoming holidays.

Having anxiety, depression, etc. can certainly feel out of control and sometimes even leave you feeling powerless; learning how to respond to your thoughts will help with your emotions and behaviors. That is what you have control of, how to respond to your thoughts-all of us have the ability to learn this!

Oh Sh*t! You’ve Just Stepped Into the Cognitive Model!

11/14/2019

Facing your feelings is not easy but a necessary task for healing; being curious and “making friends” with them takes away their power and puts you in the driver’s seat.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201910/heal-trauma-you-have-feel-your-feelings

Feeling your feelings is one of the healthiest things you can do.

10/31/2019

Something that has been coming up a lot in discussions with people is this type of thinking...check out this article and exercise. How can viewing things in shades of gray help you?

What\'s between left and right? Middle. What\'s between large and small? Medium. What\'s between black and white? Gray. See a pattern with bland words developing?

09/23/2019

My prescription to everyone, myself included!

09/10/2019

Today is WORLD SU***DE PREVENTION DAY! 💛💛💛

09/05/2019

Many people struggle with the strategy of acceptance of their depression as a means to move forward and build a life worth living. Paradoxically, as the article states, it decreases the power of depression and allows you to feel more freedom and power in helping yourself; thus building resilience. The same idea can be applied to anxiety , chronic pain, or other diagnoses. Take a moment to read this article and its articulate , knowledgeable strategies from someone who has been through it...what is your take away?

I periodically get depressed episodes. The episodes are very fickle and vary with intensity. Sometimes they are mellow and only last a few…

08/08/2019

Hope everyone is having a good Summer. One trap many of us can fall into is the comparison game; comparing yourself or anything about your life to others. This takes focus away from your values and strengths as well as damage your self esteem.

It denies you the opportunity to sit with your own feelings and needs. Sitting with your self and honestly reflecting on how your present experience and goals suit your needs versus "what the other has/does".

How does this contribute to my values, goals? Why is it important to me? What are my strengths? How can I build my strengths?

Keep such questions in mind when having the thought or urge to have what he/she has or they are "better".

Want to have a better sense of your values? Check out this free survey from the VIA Institute on Character https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/account/register

04/08/2019

Hello All; hope you are enjoying the start of Spring. Winter can certainly impact our mood. Perhaps when the cold weather and shorter days roll around again as they inevitably will, you can consider "how can I accept and adapt?"

The accept and adapt idea are some of the main premises of Resilience. Both the below article and the American Psychological Association identify Resilience as a trait we are not born with. However GOOD NEWS! We can develop it, cultivate it. All are able to possess and practice Resilience.

Take a moment for yourself and read about the 5 Step resilience exercise. How can it benefit you? What can you adapt and accept?

The 5th step talks about accepting things as "the cherry on top". However, I would also add is accept that things may not "always have a cherry on top". Sometimes seeking and wanting a perfect or ideal solution can be a barrier to Resilience and life satisfaction.

That said, do not feel you have to achieve all 5 steps for Resilience, sometimes it's best to start with one. Whether it's accepting the weather/season , a loss, traffic, or even a broken tail bone (yes, a dear friend broke her tailbone this past weekend) give Resilience a try. Ask yourself, "what can I do to practice Resilience right now?"

Have a Resilient Day!
Dr.Irene :)

https://advice.shinetext.com/articles/your-5-step-resilience-exercise-for-the-next-time-things-get-tough/!

Accepting a situation doesn’t mean you’re giving *up*—it means you’re trusting your ability to get through.

01/02/2019

Happy New Year ! I wish 2019 to be a great year of growth and health for all.

Some suggest picking a theme for the year; what will your theme for 2019 be? Self-compassion? Mindfulness? Growth?Check out this article for more details

Here are five to get you thinking.

11/22/2018

Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving. This is an opportunity to practice the habit of gratitude, something you can do everyday of the year, not just on Thanksgiving. Gratitude is like a muscle, the more you practice the more you will feel its strength and benefits.

10/21/2018

The most challenging yet freeing thing to do is not let your terrible experience(s) define you; it’s not about what happened to you , it’s how you responded. Once that shift is made, you can feel empowered

10/01/2018

Hello Everyone
A popular topic is how incessant negative and/or racing thoughts can be. Further, emotions can have the same aspect; feel overwhelming and unmanageable.

Our initial defense is to fight and push away such thoughts or feelings; however, this usually adds more distress.

The best thing to do is "ride the wave of it"; welcome it as our thoughts and emotions are a natural and biological aspect of ourselves like breathing.

One strategy to aid in "riding the wave" is non judgement stance or observation of one's thoughts or feelings. The moment you judge your feelings or thoughts is the moment you add more distress and infringe your human right to have feelings and thoughts of all kinds.

"Damn anxiety....I hate these yucky thoughts......this sadness is awful....I shouldn't feel or think this way...."

The above are judgements and can aggravate your mood; mindful, non judgmental stance of the here and now can help to "ride the wave". Describe what you observe in your environment or physical self as if you are a detective reporting the facts. DBT experts recommend the following:

Practice Exercises for Observing

• Experience one hand on a cool surface (a table or a chair) and the other hand on a warm surface (part of your body).
• Stroke your upper lip, then stop stroking and notice how long it takes before you can’t sense your upper lip any longer.
• “Watch” in your mind the first two thoughts that come in.
• Experience your behind on the chair.
• Imagine that your mind is the sky and thoughts, sensations and/or feelings are clouds. Gently notice each cloud as it drifts by.
• If you find yourself distracted, observe that; observe yourself as you become aware that you were distracted
• Check how long you can observe. It is common to have to start and restart many times in the course of 1 or 2 minutes.

Mindfulness expert John Kabat-Zinn offers insight in the mindful practice of observing nonjudgmentally; check out his video below

Learn more at - http://www.mbsrtraining.com/ - Mindfulness Training Online - G Ross Clark NON-JUDGING "All that is required, is to be aware of it happening" ...

09/07/2018

09/07/2018

08/01/2018

Happy last day of July!

One topic I have explored with clients is self care. Often times people will say, “Sure I got a pedicure appointment or I bought my favorite coffee today”. These are great but address more of the EXTERNAL self. They are important too but if they are all you do, the INTERNAL is neglected.

Have you heard someone say, “yeah, I’m doing me today..I am making an effort to talk kindly to myself today”. Or, “I did my emotional journal entry today”.

Why not? Encourage one another to do the internal self care too. Consider the following :

1) make it a goal to say 3 kind things to yourself today. Keep in mind to respond to yourself with an observation eye versus a judgmental eye

2) Emotions journal- write about one challenging and one difficult emotion today. Explore as much as you can and ask what the emotion’s message is or what did it teach you

3)Identify and create plans or solutions for what you have control of. If the non controlling aspects creep in; turn your mind to what you have control over

4)Identify 3 values you practiced today and describe as best as possible how it happened, relish and acknowledge this part of you! Didn’t feel you did well with a value? Write about how you will do better with it tomorrow

5) Create a routine that would benefit you. For some,10 to 20 minutes in the morning to reflect and prep for the day is a great motivator while others enjoy an eve routine of 10 minutes meditation or reading before bed. Explore what works for you

Got questions or further ideas? Post below or message me.

Have a great day! 😊

05/09/2018

Happy Hump day all! How will today be your day?

05/04/2018

Beginning my 2 weekend EMDR training! Excited to learn this new skill to help clients through trauma and other issues. Questions about this approach? message me. Have a wonderful weekend

03/28/2018

I was recently reminded of the 3 Cs: Choice, Commitment, and Change.

While at a local Spin class, the coach reminded us of these 3 concepts: We made a choice to come to class that day, we are committed to our health, and these 2 concepts together will provide a change.

This reminded me of my accountability for my well being and it is empowering. Small steps, even the act of decision making, can lead us to positive change.

What kind of change do you want to make?

Perhaps a decision map can assist. Create a circle in the middle of a page and write your desired change: i.e. positive thinking, consistent exercise routine, or better relationships. Write offshoots of various bubbles filled with specific steps and positive reinforcing statements to support your change: i.e. daily reading of a positive quotes, daily gratitude exercise, 30 minutes daily exercise 4 days a week, Using "I statements" to express needs, daily acts of kindness, "I am stringer and healthier each day", "I deserve healthy relationships", etc. Also, write description of desired results to help motivate the outcome: i.e. feeling good about myself, positive self-talk, etc.

All the best with your change journey!

02/08/2018

Consider the 10 points below. Any questions; message me!

https://www.bustle.com/articles/61462-10-things-therapists-wish-youd-understand-about-what-they-do

Most people don't know what they're walking into when they finally take the plunge and first visit a therapist. Perhaps you expect the jargon-spouting, new-agey caricatures you see on television; people who gossip about your deepest secrets with thei…

01/28/2018

Many people ask, “ How do I stop taking things personally?” or “How can I be less sensitive?”. Not expecting your worth from others or external means is key. View this video of mantras to further assist the mindset of seeing things and others as they are versus personalization....message me with any questions or to make an appointment

01/02/2018

A New Year = A New You

The fact is any day can be New Year's Day. View each day as a New Start to your goals and routines. Even if you didn't quite hit the mark yesterday, that chapter is closed and today is a new opportunity. Let today be your focus ; not what you did/didn't do yesterday.

Today my goal is to deep breathe on the hour , every hour. Once I'm consistent with this, I will add another new habit, lifestyle, or thought change.

What will you start today?

Would you like an opportunity to better understand yourself and needed changes? Call or message me for more details

11/30/2017

"What are you doing?" or "Why are you doing this?" can be typical responses when a teen or even an adult cut.

Such a response can elicit shame or withdraw for the individual who cuts. Often the pain from the cutting is a manifestation of what the individual is feeling on the inside. Respond with curious compassion: "I sense you must be having a difficult time; I am here to talk".

See the attached article for further understanding and tips. Message me with any questions or to set up an appointment.

Want to feel better without hurting yourself? Learn the facts about self-harming and how you can overcome it.

11/03/2017

10/26/2017

Sign up for this free daily meditation series, starting 10/30.

Routines are a great way to develop a healthy habit. Further, routines create a rhythm within our selves/lives. Daily rhythms are a natural way to balance one's mood

What routine/rhythm will you start?

Hey Mynx Community! Oprah & Deepak are offering another free 21-day Meditation Experience, and I wanted to share this with everyone at Mynx! The last one I participated in was fabulous, and I am so excited to be taking part in this one! If you hadn't read my reviews and remarks from the last…

10/18/2017

Which strategy will you try today?

Whether you're struggling now or simply want to build up your resilience for the future, here are six strategies that really work.

10/12/2017

Feelings....

Feelings are difficult to navigate and regulate. Sometimes we are taught not to have or express them. In reality, we need to make friends with them-invite them in, whether we like the feeling(s) or not. They are messengers to better understanding ourselves.

The next time you are struggling with a difficult feeling, don't judge it as good or bad- view it as a messenger. Take a few, slow deep breaths. Ask yourself , "What is this feeling telling me?" ..."Where is this feeling coming from?". Respond to what is in front of you, not a past event or "old feeling". Therapy can be a place to process "old feelings".

To find out more about this feelings exercise and other coping strategies, call or message me for a free consultation.

Found on Google from kaylatselmft.com

09/14/2017

Which of these quotes do you identify with?

08/28/2017

Often I am asked how to not take on others' feelings and emotions. Emotional boundaries will assist with this. You can be in charge of what you expose yourself to; be it from a family member, friend, co worker, or stranger. Consider the strategies mentioned in this article as a step in setting boundaries. Need more assistance? Call or message me for a consultation/appointment. Free telephone consultation to answer any questions you may have prior to starting counseling.

If you're strongly affected by the emotions and energy of the people around you, you may need to set clearer emotional boundaries. This may help.

07/25/2017

Take a walk on the Middle Path....

Adopting a middle path mentality can help one to cope and respond in a healthy manner. What does "walking the middle path" mean to you?

DBT(Dialectical Behavior Therapy) experts report that the middle path allows for multiple perspectives and flexible thinking. I.E. suspending all-or-nothing thinking and developing "both/and thinking"...it doesn't have to be "your way or the highway".

We all have various life and cultural perspectives and considering other possible points of view will allow for collaboration versus friction within our daily interactions and relationships.

Message me for further details or to set up an appointment to learn more about DBT or other strategies!

Think someone else may benefit from this idea? Share this post with them!!